Sunday, March 27, 2011

My Best Friend

Mater: "I knew I made the right decision"

Lightning McQueen: "In what?"

Mater: "My Best Friend."
-Disney and Pixar's animated film 'Cars'

Happy Birthday Best Friend! (Yesterday)

My best friend is...
Amazing, Fun, Humorous, Attractive, Ridiculous, Ninja, Spiffy, Silly,
Rambunctious, Spiritual, Supportive, Charismatic, Spunky, Athletic, Honest, Trustworthy,
Caring, Polite, Gentlemanly, Tall, Jazzy, Sweet, Adventurous, Monkey-man, and I could go on.

So there's a slight story to the 'Cars' thing up there^... When I first met my friend, we had this
joke, There's a scene where Mater is asked what he was told about talking to the prisoners and he'd replied, "Ta not to" and so I'd say to my friend, "Now what did i tell you about smoking" and he'd reply, "Ta not to".

Of course He's more of the Lightning McQueen Character and I'm more of the Mater personality. Such is how it goes eh?

Anyway my best friend is named Cameron.
Bless his soul for putting up with me. :)
Yesterday was his birthday and he's officially an adult. OLD MAN! haha
Anyway in the morning my other friend and I broke into his house and decorated his bedroom with balloons and streamers. Okay so I didn't really break in I coordinated with his Mother WHO ROCKS!! She's amazing, Just like her son! That was really fun.

Later in the day I called him up to wish him a happy birthday and he invited me to hang out. I was uber giddy! So we hung out and played some smash brothers with his best friend Shane. another girl was there too. Then we went to a park and played around with a soccer ball, foot ball frisby, and basketball, but mostly the foot ball and soccer ball.


Lets just say Cameron and Shane had the ball a lot more than me and my other friend. BUT... I had so much fun! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE SOCCER! (and cameron....) any who...

I hope he had a wonderful birthday. I know I enjoyed it and hanging out with him. Even though I ended up on the ground a good amount of the time. He was nice at first about not making me fall but then he got more agressive but it was still fun. :D

"Once a year we celebrate with stupid hats and plastic plates the fact that you were able to make another trip around the sun"
-Arrogant Worms

SO HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMERON! I'm proud to call you my best friend. :D <3

Please Forgive Me

"So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't You're the only one I'd ever want I only wanna make it good So if I love ya a little more than I should
Please forgive me I know not what I do Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you Don't deny me This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me If I need ya like I do Please believe me Every word I say is true Please forgive me I can't stop loving you"
-Brian Adams

I'm sorry for my heart. I'm sorry for my love. I'm sorry it just won't go away.
Welcome to my story. Welcome to my life. Welcome to the peice of me I should just throw out.
I'm sorry for my longing. I'm sorry for my faults. I'm sorry I'm the girl of another day.
Invited to my future. Invited to know my past. Invited to my secrets that secretly I can't count.

Love is a silly thing. Always has been and always will be. We just gotta deal and press on.
I can wait for love. I WILL wait for love.

I am in love. A solitary love. Yet it still brings me joy, and a feeling of serenity.
No matter what else is on my mind, there is a part always sanctioned for my love. Always.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I wanna hold your hand- The Beatles

Oh yeah, I´ll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

Oh, please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
and please, say to me

You'll let me hold your hand
Now let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you i feel happy, inside
It's such a feeling
That my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide

Yeah you, got that something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy, inside
It's such a feeling
That my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide

Yeah you, got that something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your ha-a-a-a-a-a-and

A little more than a year ago I heard this song...
and one week later I held the hand of a very wonderful
person. OH HOW MY HEART DID SOAR! I couldn't believe it...
Someone loved me someone cared... I was so happy!
I can not express how high my spirits were!
It was a sensation like never before and
Nothing I've really expirenced since. It felt
so incredibly natural. Like it was meant to be.
I didn't feel forced I didn't feel like
I had to do anything. I just had to be myself
and I was loved. I got to hold his hand.

I got to hold his hand. {and now i'm blushing....}

Sunday, March 20, 2011


I think I'm a spark
alone in the dark,
waiting for the dynamite to ignite
fearing the dark night
the darkness that surrounds me
consumes what I can be
hiding my potential life
with darkness, toils, and strife
The spark I am is fading to an oblivion below
light me once again so the dynamite can blow.



Not because I've recently done anything spontaneous or cool but because I was talking to my friend about...... FENCING!

Yes I mean the white asylm, bee farmer, pointy metal rod kind of fencing.

I was talking to my friend about tomorrow and what the day will bring. Who I'll see and what I'll get to do. So I said that I got to go to Hapkido tomorrow, exciting? Like HECK TO THE YES! I LOVE LOVE LOVE hapkido. Anyway for some reason this struck up the conversation of Fencing. She said that she always though martial arts was way cool and that she always wanted to try fencing too.

SO... I said we should hunt somewhere down that teaches fencing and take some classes and experiment. I think its the most random thing I've said I should do in a while. {Well except doorbell ditching involving produce and cookies. A strange mix for strange girls... Oh 'Tom'...}

But yes I can be spontaneous... Believe it or Not. Spontaneity... That's right


Monday, March 14, 2011

Love Me - Collin Raye

I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said :

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

I love love love love love this song. It is so cute and I cry when I listen to it sometimes... Trust me it is so cute and I can honestly say I wish I was loved this much by someone.

Sunday, March 13, 2011


My posts are kinda boring... anyway i decided to write a poem off the top of my head right now... so bear with me and enjoy the poem I'm gonna write right now.

Seeing your face a few feet away
makes me spin around today
seeing your smile as you walk down the hall
makes one appear on mine as I fall
deeper in love than the day I had you
Without you I see I make myself blue.
I lose my train of thought a lot
and beat myself up thinking of the time that we fought.
I know I'm not the best friend I should always be
I'm trying really hard but you shy away from me
I make myself unhappy and that makes you feel some stress
I'm sorry to hurt your feelings I know I'm not the best
I wish I could express what I truly am
have a personality and show you that I can
live a happy life with you just as a friend
You promised you'd be there for me when I was at the bends
and I know you're always there for me though I don't deserve you to,
I know you don't like to listen when I talk to you.
And still I call you my best friend forever
though sometimes i think thats forever is never
I push you away from the person you knew
because she's hiding and not presented to you.
Somewhere deep inside me I hope to see the day
where you'll call me lovely and hold me in your arms to say
"I never stopped loving you though I hid it away
I want you to be mine and forever with me stay."

tada! ... I dunno I just kinda typed and whala... there is a poem... just what's on my mind I guess But This poem holds some truth in the words.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Thoughts, or lack thereof

"Patience is a Virtue" that sometimes I don't have enough of. I try I really do. It takes eveything in me to be patient. To not yell at people when I want to. To control my anger and resentment and feelings. I don't hate anyone. CORRECTION. I CAN'T hate anyone. I won't. I'm the kind of girl that won't let her feelings stop anyone else. I apologize if people misinterpret my mood. If I seem angry or distant its more because I cherish a friendship and don't want to blow it by my random outbursts of UGHiness. Which in turn i guess the aura i give off could be doing that anyway... I just don't think. Most of the time. There is the little occasion where my brain does function. Over all though... it doesn't so forgive my stupidity.

I get mad. I get jealous. I have fear. I feel love. I feel pain. I think dumb stuff. I'm human.

On the Topic of Growing UP

I'm short. But my grandpa always says, "You're tall enough if your feet touch the ground". So I guess I'm not short... Vertically Challenged? Maybe...

Growing up sucks. "Everyone know's it sucks to grow up but everyone does its so weird to be back here, let me tell you what the years go on and we're still fighting it."

"I don't wanna grow up I'm a toys-r-us kid there's so many toys at toys-r-us that I can play with." Growing up happens.

"People don't stop playing because they grow old. People grow old because they stop playing"

Its necessary to grow, but not to grow up. Responsibility is inevitable it will come. Be prepared but you don't have to lose your inner kid. I know I couldn't part with mine.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


My pen name means there is always love. Sometimes it is really hard to remember that there is. And that no matter how life becomes or where we're headed someone out there will always love you. It may not be the person whose attention you are dying for but someone always loves you. In my case its my Heavenly Father because I believe there is one. I don't understand always that he's there for me and that I can turn to him. Or that he does things for a reason. Someone will always love me. Someone will always love you....

I fail to remember that a lot because I feel lost and alone in the crazy world of today. I just want to be noticed to know someone that isn't above me loves me. But if my Father upstairs loves me it should be enough, but sometimes its not.

I'm so thankful to Him though.

So Lolovivi, there is always love remember it
{Yes I was talking to myself in third person...I do that sometimes... don't worry about it.}

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

i sometimes feel like i'm fighting for a lost cause. the pain it gives me is excruciating. I'm so pathetic maybe i'll just disappear. sounds good to me... I just want to be happy and fun. But i'm answer E. None of the above. I'm not loved by ... and i want to cry. but there are no tears left in me.

Diary Of A Broken Heart

Brittany Montgumery

We were just friends at the start,
Always having fun, never apart
Then one day, something sparked
The next thing I knew, you had my heart.

The days flew by,
I lost track of time
Everytime I was with you,
I was on cloud nine.

Then one day, you asked me to be your girlfriend
I exclaimed, yes! and prayed we'd last until the very end.
No one could look into my eyes and say I wasn't happy,
Happy that I was with you, and you were with me.

With me in your arms, you told me you loved me,
Then gently kissed my forehead and gave me a squeeze.
I was convinced you were the one for me,
Apart from you, I would never be.

Just when I thought all was well,
Was when you began to put me through hell.
You said, we should just be friends
That's when I knew it was the end.

I looked into your eyes, trying to find out why,
It was all I could do, not to begin to cry.
Where I once saw love, I saw nothing,
I couldn't believe you no longer felt something.

I lay in bed, counting my tears,
Each representing what I'd hoped would be years.
Years of happiness, for us to be together,
A long-lived life, forever and ever.

But in my heart, I know this will never be,
For in yours, no longer is there a place for me.
I gave you my all; I gave you my heart,
Little did I know that you'd tear it apart.

Everyday I place a smile on my face,
As for tears, there is not a trace.
You ripped me apart, but yet it's true,
Forever and always, I'll still love you.


I have a happy list. In other words a list of things to make me happy. I need to work on that. My attitude makes people stay away from me. I dont feel like I belong anywhere, I feel like I simply exist and that I have no where to turn to. Well sure I know I do, but that's not what I mean. Its complicated. Maybe I could be happier but i probably won't let myself. I need help. I really do.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


Once upon a time on an oddly ordinary day, I woke up and went to school. But instead we took the ACT party? Not really. I didn't stress it. I didn't even study and i didn't stress it... I'm not sure if its a good thing. I just told myself its just another test. and that was my outlook. I don't find the ACT particularly hard. The only thing I felt like was hard was staying on time and completing the whole thing. But I did it and I'm happy with myself, yeah I WILL not get a perfect score, I probably won't even get a genuinly highish schore. But I'll get what I deserve and that's all I can ask for, right? :D yay for not stressing about a test even if it can determine where I go for college! :)