tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12301514056801177762024-03-04T21:56:41.840-08:00The Graceless Form"I have my own particular sorrows, loves, delights; and you have yours. But sorrow, gladness, yearning, hope, love, belong to all of us, in all times and in all places. Music is the only means whereby we feel these emotions in their universality." ~H.A. OverstreetLolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-43109571585074492842019-09-20T09:55:00.001-07:002019-09-20T09:55:25.057-07:00Knowing Yourself is the Beginning of all Wisdom -Aristotle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I just wanted to look inside and pick apart my brain a little bit. I think it is good to do some introspective thinking every once in a while. So that is what I am going to do.<br />
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Mainly, I wanted to focus on my wants, the things that I desire in this life and what I want to accomplish. This is something that is interesting to me because although I have particular mindset, or desired mindset, right now, I've come to realize that it isn't how I really feel deep down in the long run, but I'll get to that.<br />
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I had a friend ask me the other day where I saw myself in 5 years. I said the fairly generic things, or the things that were expected of me to say. But he asked me for more specifics like where do you want to live, what do you want to be doing with your life and so I thought about it. But right now I want to talk about where I currently see myself and where I hope to be.<br />
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Looking at just where I am today at this very moment, in all honesty I'm exhausted, I feel like I give and I give and I give, but I very rarely receive. I've realized that while this is true, it's also hard for me to receive. I know that if I were on the receiving end of some of the things that I do for others that it would make me feel slightly bad or uncomfortable, but what I don't know is why that is. I find it perfectly okay for me to treat myself and other people but it's not as easy for me to allow others to do the same exact thing FOR me. I'm not sure why that is, but it is... I told my coworker the other day that I was going to go shopping alone, to which his response was "Who goes shopping alone!" and I very blatantly said, "I do, cause if I don't chances are I'm going to buy a things for other people and not myself." I really do love to give, but as I've been told, you can't give from an empty cup. But unfortunately I haven't quite figured out how to fill my own cup. That's the journey I'm currently on. Rather, I think I know what I need to do, but it's the taking the time for myself to do them FOR ME, that's the hard part, I think it's easier for me to give my free time to other people, and that's part of why I've been so drained this past week. I've been striving to live 100% authentically as who I really am, and it's been helping a lot, but as I said, I'm not giving myself time to do things for me.<br />
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Right now I tell myself that I'm afraid of love, that I don't believe it exists, that there's no way that I'll ever get married. I tell myself it's easier and better to give up than to allow myself to get hurt again. Right now I'm a skeptic when it comes to that aspect of my life. But I know that deep down inside I know that it's ridiculous, I know that I'm a hopeless romantic and have a slew of goals for love, and life. But that scares me, incredibly.<br />
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Right now, I'm a senior in college in what will ideally be my last semester working towards my bachelors degree in Criminal Justice. I'm not the best student and in fact I've fallen quite behind in my classes already, but I think the important thing is I am trying and I am planning on catching back up and taking this bull by the horns. I plan on coming out on top.<br />
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Right now, I stop myself from doing things that I want to do. Or at least I have before, honestly, I think I've realized how empowering doing things alone really is. The me that is typing this, is challenging herself more than ever before to be fine doing things alone, or even just doing things that she'd never imagine doing before. This past bit I went to the movies alone, and it was incredible! I didn't realize how amazing it would be in all reality. As mentioned above I've gone shopping alone, I also went to get my nails done alone. It really is incredible how it feels to do these things alone. I really need to stop waiting on people to do something that I really want to do. I also need to realize that it's okay to hold my time precious and tell people that I can't do something. This is part of the self care that I need. I know for a fact that I'm an introvert, but I often times will even find my introverted self striving to have at least one other person with me... I really need to be fine with being just with me. And that's where I'm going.<br />
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Now, for where I want to be in 5 years.... Honestly, this isn't gonna be as eloquent or explained as me now, cause lets be real my ESP isn't that good! Anyway...<br />
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I want to be married, I even want to maybe have a kid or two. I don't want anymore than 3 kids though, I mean if it happened that's fine, but my ideal would be 3, seems like a manageable number. I find it ironic that I say I want to be married because of my current feelings about love and relationships, but deep down inside I still crave love and connection. I think there's a lot of potential for that, but it does require me to be vulnerable and that's intimidating.<br />
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I'll be graduated with my CJ degree. With that, I want to be a detective. The goal is to be a police officer in approximately a year, and I hope that 5 is enough to become a detective. I just really want to be able to help people find closure.<br />
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I want to have a close relationship with my children and really just strive to be happy. I wouldn't mind still being in Utah as long as I'm with my family, honestly where I live doesn't matter as much to me, but what does matter to me is THAT I live. Meaning I'm not just going through the motions but that I'm actually striving to live, and getting the most out of life.<br />
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There was a time where everything was blurred and I stopped getting pleasure out of the things I was supposed to love. Now is my time to take it all back to fight the good fight which is this life, and to enjoy every moment.<br />
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I'm tired of waiting, so I will take control.</div>
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Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-56410002233524090352019-06-17T08:41:00.001-07:002019-06-17T08:41:11.081-07:00Self SabotagingHello internet world. It's me again. Sometimes writing out my thoughts helps me. Today I wanted to talk about my self sabotaging tendencies.<br />
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As far as I can remember I have been in love with the concept of love. Maybe that's my problem, I'm a hopeless romantic that has little to no hope that true love, or romantic love can exist.<br />
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Now, this has come about from many different experiences that I've had in my life. The first boy I ever "dated" was when I was 14 years old. My 14 year old brain was convinced that we were going to get married and we actually even talked about it a little. We only kissed once and then decided that we should wait till we were a little older, later, he started avoiding me and just stopped talking to me. I remember one time that I was trying to get him to talk to me and he wouldn't. I ended up crying outside his bus and he finally talked to me. I don't remember what he said to me but I remember just feeling so broken inside. I no longer mattered to this person.<br />
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This is a feeling that I hated so much, but it happens all to frequently to me.<br />
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This was just one experience. I have more but they don't matter. The point of this post is to admit my self sabotaging behaviors and just express my frustrations because of them.<br />
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Anyway, I have this problem where I'm so scared of being abandoned that I put up walls. Kinda like I talked about in my last post, I don't allow myself to be vulnerable with people. Not even when I was intentionally going to therapy for help with these problems.<br />
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Basically, when I get in a relationship, I'm ecstatic, elated even. But then I remember how many times I've been broken that I unintentionally push people away. I feel like I've fought for so long to keep love, that it's getting to a point where I'm sick of it. Why should I struggle so hard to keep something that isn't freely given?<br />
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I'm so scared to be alone, that ultimately, that's what I end up being... I can't blame anyone for not wanting me around. My longest "relationship", was with a person that wouldn't even admit that we were dating. And even then, I had to fight way too hard for that.<br />
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I think part of my problem is that I'm so needy. I love being around someone, when I care about them, I want to be around them no matter what we are doing. I'm perfectly content just sitting with them, and being with them, anything to not be alone. But it gets exhausting for those that are around me, they get sick of me so quickly.<br />
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And it's probably because I build all of those walls. I have a fortress that no one can breach. And that's not a good thing. But I don't know how to break it down. I don't know how to be vulnerable and because I'm so afraid of losing people, it ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy.<br />
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Right now I'm at a place where I feel like I'm done with love. I have always wanted to be in love, to get married and have my own family some day. But, I'm done trying because all that ends up happening is me getting hurt. It seems that no one can love me for more than 6 months at a time, there is literally no way that anyone would be able to love me forever.<br />
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So not having love has never been my choice. This time it definitely is the last thing that I wanted. I was so excited for the life that I was planning. And all though it hurts and I'm upset, and I want love more than anything, if I'm going to be alone, at least this time it will be my choice. I'm not going to seek out love, I don't care anymore... I'm unlovable, because I self sabotage, and I don't let people in.Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-26416000630545273392019-04-30T16:20:00.001-07:002019-04-30T16:20:21.151-07:00“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself” -FDRHello world,<br />
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I've officially decided to give up on the 30 days of me. Being the kind of person I am, it turned out to be impossible. Besides, I don't even know if anyone reads this. In all reality it doesn't matter, I come here to let things out to let things go, and if it goes into the internet void, who knows maybe it'll reach someone else that needs to hear it. We never know the impact that we can have on others, especially with the technological advancements of our age.<br />
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Today I wanted to talk about my biggest fears. And not just the things like spiders, and heights, but real things. Sometimes, I am absolutely floored by fear, and I get angry and frustrated at this. I feel like maybe this is a natural human reaction, we are built with fight or flight, so they say, but I think there's a third one, freeze. To explain what I mean by freeze I'll use two examples of the small fears I already shared with you. First spiders, now I know a majority of the time I am much larger than a spider, and that they really don't do too much harm. However when I see a spider, no matter where it is, I freeze and just stare at it wide eyed. I think, "If I blink it will move, if I go to kill it it will attack," so I just sit there, occasionally I can push past this, force myself to grab a shoe and strike to kill. But typically I just freeze, and call for someone else to handle my problem. But in the wise words of Eddie Murphy in "The Haunted Mansion", "You've got to learn to wack your own spiders Michael!" I'll get there eventually, but right now I kinda still freeze.<br />
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The next example I want to use is with heights, I get so nervous with heights. Starting about 6 months ago, I have been learning to rock climb with my best friend and his buddies. The first time I went, I was a little scared but I was in a place of happiness and hope at the time, so it wasn't too bad. I started little, we went fairly often, and I was learning to improve. After a short hiatus, I tried doing it again and got about half way up a V0 (if you're wondering... those are supposed to be the easiest to climb) and started having a small panic attack, I wanted to freeze. And I did for a moment, but I could feel my muscles giving out and it was either keep going forward or let go and fall at least 7 feet to the padded ground. I didn't know what to do, but I pushed myself to keep going up and I did make it to the top. Once on the top my heart was still pounding and my head was still spinning with the fear that caused me to want to freeze, but I had done it. I reached the top. Part of me feels that this time was harder because I was letting a dark part of myself into my head. I was having these sad, negative downward spirals of fear dictate what I was doing, where as the first time I went I had hope in a brighter future, this last time I went I was fearing for the worst, and allowing that to overcome me. Fear changes me in a way that isn't good for me, or for those around me.<br />
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But onto the more deep fears, that I don't like to talk about.<br />
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I think my number one fear in all honesty is love, as ridiculous as that might sound. Me and love have a Love/Hate relationship. I have felt so desperately that I want love, but I feel like every time I get love, I shut down and let that fear swallow me again, and I slowly begin to close myself off to the person intentionally let in. I guess with that, it might not be love that I'm scared of, maybe what I'm really scared of is true vulnerability. CS Lewis said,<br />
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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”</h1>
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And that's where it begins. With my most recent relationship, I was in a spot of vulnerability at the beginning. In all actuality I started talking to my now best friend under poor circumstances, I had recently been broken up with, and I was alone and afraid of myself, the demons that live inside of me. I wanted someone to be friends with, and for some reason, I was able to open up to him about my thoughts, feelings and despair. Hell, he helped me forget about all the issues that I had. I also had a stomach bacteria call H. Pylori, and let me tell you it is very unpleasant, I could hardly keep anything down, or in. One night we were just hanging out and I felt like I couldn't breathe and needed to go to the restroom, so for the first time I asked where his bathroom was (Even though I had been hanging out with him for weeks), and when I got there I barfed, I did not see that one coming. I decided in that moment that I wasn't going to say anything to him, because I was so embarrassed and it was near the beginning of our friendship and I didn't want to scare him. And I held out for a while, we went over to the nearby Smith's and bought some drinks, I picked up an orange Gatorade or something. But he asked me how my breathing was holding up when we got back to the house and I ended up telling him that I didn't know how I was doing because I threw up. And I told him that was why I bought myself a Gatorade, he looked at it and told me that sometimes red food dye can mess with people's stomachs so I shouldn't be drinking that one. Then instead of kicking me out or anything, he went down to his room and grabbed me a different Gatorade. It was honestly the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. And it really impressed me and I was incredibly intrigued by it. Now as I mentioned I was only looking for friends, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't begin to feel something more for him after this experience. In the beginning I didn't let my fear swallow my words and I was open and honest about everything. </div>
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It was about this time that I realized that there were struggles from my past that I have never fully dealt with. And I decided that I needed more help than I was allowing myself to get. So, I decided to go to therapy and I did, but I never felt like I truly allowed myself to open up like I initially intended. I lied about my progress to myself and my therapist because my demons started falling back asleep. My therapist and I decided that for now I would be okay on my own and that I didn't need to continue my sessions, I agreed because I was sick of needing to go. I thought I was fine because my monsters were dormant, at least for a while. But because I didn't take care of them properly, they began to resurface again and that girl that was allowing her self to be vulnerable started to doubt and to let fear again take control. When I let the fear take over and I start to build walls, I become quiet, anxious, depressed, and irritable. Any little doubt can become a full blown panic attack. I feel like when I'm in these modes I forget what it's like to be a normal person and a normal friend. I begin to be jealous and insecure about the other persons friendships and the things that they are saying to me. But it was because I was associating past memories with current circumstances. I began to label the man that I was learning about and loving, like all the other boys in my past. Just because they hurt me, took advantage of me, and left me on the corner alone and broken, I was scared that it would happen again. I forgot that he was different, I knew he actually cared but I wasn't allowing that memory to be at the forefront of my brain. Before my demons reawakened I was asked to be his wife and I was so excited for this, but then I started losing myself again. When I lost myself I started losing him, or at least that's what I see now. </div>
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Fear has been the cause of all my troubles. I am no longer engaged, and it hurts so much. But I'm learning to understand that I can improve myself. I did something really scary today. I admitted to myself that I can't do it on my own, not only am I choosing to go back to therapy but I went to the doctor today to talk about the darkness that I've been feeling inside me, and the hopelessness that has stemmed from it. I feel I am taking the steps necessary to improve myself and get prepared better for marriage and supporting a family. It was hard because, while I've always been an advocate for other people getting help and taking medicine to help with their burdens, if necessary, I've never wanted to be the one to get on medications. Often when you go into the doctor for check ups or routine physicals they give you a questionnaire to check on your mental stability, I feel like I have always lied on these, so today's self introspection and reaching out was a big thing for me, I strove so hard to tell the truth and to get the help that I need. As I was sitting in the waiting room, my breath was short, and my hands were shaking and I was fighting back tears, it proved to me to a degree that I really needed the help. And it's okay to need that help, that's what I just need to keep telling myself.</div>
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Now I know that I have depression and anxiety, before I always figured that I did because a lot of my family had it, and I felt like I exhibited some of the same signs. I wanted to believe that I was stronger than it, better on my own. Having this thought has caused me a lot of unnecessary pain. I think we all do things that don't necessarily help us out appropriately. I was scared to be diagnosed because I feel like there was a negative stigma, and while I supported and loved my friends that also struggle with anxiety and depression, I didn't want to be labeled. But in reality, I am not my problems. Life can't be all rainbows and butterflies, but there are steps that we can take to assure that it is more rainbows and butterflies than spiders and heights. FDR said that the "only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I think its true, fear makes us do things we never imagined that we could or would do. It's broken a big part of my life, and all I can do is take steps to remedy it. </div>
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<br />As I was writing this post I thought of a song by Disturbed called "Reason to Fight." The chorus was really speaking to me because it says,</div>
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"<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Programme, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;">I won't give up, so don't give in</span></div>
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You've fallen down, but you can rise again</div>
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So don't give up</div>
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When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin</div>
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And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win</div>
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When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Programme, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;">When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight"</span> </div>
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When I first heard this song, I thought a lot about how I just want to be someone's reason to fight and that no matter what is going on I want to be there to love and support people. Specifically my best friend. But really anyone, I only recently started to think of it in terms of my own depression and fear. The band said it so beautifully and eloquently on their website. They said,</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: dinmedium; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1px;">"Our world is plagued by an epidemic. By a disease that shows no mercy. The demons known as addiction and depression are very real, and they have claimed far too many of those we love, far sooner than they should have left us. Those still with us, are fighting a battle they wage every day of their lives, Keeping those DEMONS at bay. It's up to us to show them that they aren't alone, that they have nothing to be ashamed of, that we understand, and that we will fight with them, and for them. For those you know, who are waging this internal war, the time to be a TRUE friend and advocate, and to INTERVENE, is now. To hesitate, is to lose a chance to save them you may never get again."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: dinmedium;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 1px;">It's okay to struggle. I needed to realize that. I hope that I can continue to improve and feel strength. I want to be vulnerable again and let my friend back in appropriately, and leave down the walls that want to block him and others out. As long as I start to push aside the fear I can ultimately be okay. We all can be okay if we take our fear by the horns and force it into submission. I know that I can't change the past, but I can talk it out and I can come to grips with it, and truly trust those that want what's good for me. I promise to put my faith in God, and know that whatever comes my way can be overcome through perseverance. I know that everything will turn out alright. And I want you to know that I am always willing to fight for you. Anyone, I won't give up on you. Ever.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Programme, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;">"Are you ready to begin?</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Programme, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Programme, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;">This is a battle that we are gonna win" </span></div>
Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-80377409682234080692018-09-20T19:30:00.000-07:002018-09-20T19:30:48.989-07:00Revisiting 30 Days of Me: Unlucky Day 13As you can obviously tell it's been a really long time since I have written on my blog. Honestly I kinda got stuck on day 13 because it told me to share/write a letter to someone that had recently hurt me and I didn't, at the time, have anyone to write the letter to. I'm going to take this in a little bit of a different direction than most people would think or choose. I'm going to write this letter to myself.<br />
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Dear Lolovivi,<br />
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It has recently come to my attention that you have been needlessly holding on to mistakes of the past. Because of this hoarding of past pain you have caused yourself to push many people away and out of your life. This self destructive behavior needs to stop. Not only does it hurt you but it hurts those around you that are trying to care for you and love you.<br />
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For the past 10 years you have struggled with the need to be loved by somebody else that you never truly found time to love yourself. The "love" that you did find has caused your brain to malfunction, it makes you wonder if "Love" really can exist... You constantly have worried that you are not good enough, pretty enough, talented enough or loved enough that you eventually end up being what you fear, alone.<br />
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If there is one thing I want you to know, it's that you need to stop lying to yourself. Lying to yourself leads to lying to others about your secret desires. And heaven forbid, lying about the love that you have in your heart. You spend so much of your life acting like a hater that people start to believe that's what you are. You don't need to be tough for the world. It's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to love and it's okay to let people into your heart, because when you don't, they stop trying.<br />
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I want you to know that you certainly don't have to do it alone. Now I know you never wanted the stigma of needing anyone's help but it's okay to need help. You wouldn't expect yourself to stop yourself from drowning when you don't even know how to swim. There are life guards on duty for a reason. Just like you need a life guard at the pool, you need a life guard for your mind. Everything that you've kept in has been weighing you down and slowly the water is coming up over your head and you need to be willing to let go.<br />
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Letting go... I know that's something that has been hard for you. You recently let go of something that you were convinced you'd never release. But letting go is different than giving up, giving up is an end, letting go is a new beginning. Right now you feel as if that new beginning is too late. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.<br />
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You've truly hurt me, Lolovivi. My heart hurts and yearns for love that was lost, but mostly it yearns for a love that is seldom there. You need to love yourself. But as much as you've hurt me recently, I am so proud of you. I'm proud of the steps you're taking, the journey you're starting and hopefully by the end you'll be able to find what you're looking for. You don't need to fill the void with others, you need to fill the void yourself.<br />
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Realizations hurt. There have been times when you were told to pray and you didn't, you left God out of the most important things in your life. You pointlessly held on to your denial that the most precious thing to you shattered. Unfortunately you were too caught up in holding on to other objects that you didn't realize what you had.<br />
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Now is the time to turn yourself over to God. To let him heal you. One of my favorite quotes you heard on the mission was, "God wants to be able to heal your broken heart, but first you must be willing to give him all of the pieces." Stop giving him 90% of the pain and hand him the other 10% so that he truly can put you back together.<br />
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You really need to stop hurting yourself like you have. Only then will you truly be happy, only then will you really be whole, and hopefully someday you will. I care for you, I want to help you heal. Right now I can't tell you that I love you, but someday I will. I'm not eloquent with my words and I apologize for the jumbled mess. I pray that you'll remember what your name means.<br />
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Lolovivi: there is always love. "For God is Love" You are never truly alone, God is on your side and He loves you more than you can even comprehend. We could learn a thing or two from Him.<br />
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With Sincere Hope for a Brighter Tomorrow,<br />
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Me<br />
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<br />Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-32913892341039806232017-09-17T22:10:00.001-07:002017-09-17T22:10:29.253-07:0030 Days of Me: I'm really bad at this...I've officially given up writing every day. (Which is probably super noticeable since... I should be done with my 30 days by now...) But eventually I'll get through these 30 prompts. It just might take me some time.<br />
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Day 10: Songs you listen to when you're Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, and Mad<br />
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Okay so this one is really hard for me because all of my music for me is mixed together. For some people listening to music can help change their mood or influence their mood. For me... well... It all makes me happy to an extent. I just love listening to music. Sometimes I wonder if I have feelings at all.<br />
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I like to listen to Adele, Anberlin, Rise Against, Avenged Sevenfold, Jason Mraz, ED SHEERAN, movie music, etc. I can't list everything. Often times I'm more of a songs person than an artist person, I believe that all artists can have good songs and all artists can have bad songs so I pick and I choose. I don't have go to playlists like some people. I wonder what it would be like to be that way. Sometimes I just love to be drowned in the guitar and drums. I'm a very easy to please.<br />
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So in all... I can just say that I love music. And if you have any suggestions for me, let me know! :)<br />
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Day 11: Another Picture of You and Your Friends....<br />
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Well shoot! That one is even harder! I don't have too many friends right now and the ones I do have I don't have pictures with currently. I'll have to go for like a super old picture or multiple pictures!<br />
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this picture is super out of date but I'm still friends with most of these people.<br />
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The benefits(?) of serving a mission- You lose all your friends. Just kidding life just keeps moving and sometimes you aren't in on it anymore and that is perfectly normal. I have no recent photos so you can judge me all you want that's fine by me. :P But yeah my friends are babes.</div>
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Day 12: How you found out about Blogger and why you made one</div>
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To heck if I remember. That was literally so many moons ago. I probably had a friend that had one or something and I was like hey I like to write why not. Its great stress relief but that is my very lame answer. You're welcome.</div>
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Well... I think that's enough pretending I'm good at this for today. I'll see you again the next time I decide it's a good idea to put a little piece of my soul onto the internet. </div>
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<br />Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-51760076576462322572017-08-24T11:37:00.001-07:002017-08-24T11:37:33.847-07:00Oh... BotherIt's official I think I have to be fired from my own blog... haha I am not very good at this writing every day thing. Anyway... Lets play catch up... Again... FREAKING AGAIN?!?!<br />
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Day 7: A picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht0-iT0X-t6MvWsyGEI3Bsgz5ri5-csKdHAUwj7e1W9SDYHJDs5JjXrLX4PtJis2HzIEUfRpK-vwJxnBcbQiUvn4h_Ny7upfcN2Ij9z72gAcoUI_LAroEe0wKqBFP59FFrD3CliH32DYQ/s1600/IMG_20140122_195100.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht0-iT0X-t6MvWsyGEI3Bsgz5ri5-csKdHAUwj7e1W9SDYHJDs5JjXrLX4PtJis2HzIEUfRpK-vwJxnBcbQiUvn4h_Ny7upfcN2Ij9z72gAcoUI_LAroEe0wKqBFP59FFrD3CliH32DYQ/s320/IMG_20140122_195100.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_cfbLjs0d8eBIQKxsUAQk10iLKasrXlCHR4sMmbW5AW_XUitI1OO_eGP9iMLw1W3NNhgEKKVIHcFsulK8Df41cLny42nqOlWNZpntKjX0-s6T40NfvhcudQ4T7A4WUmH1qVWQAWtB6DE/s1600/Mom.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_cfbLjs0d8eBIQKxsUAQk10iLKasrXlCHR4sMmbW5AW_XUitI1OO_eGP9iMLw1W3NNhgEKKVIHcFsulK8Df41cLny42nqOlWNZpntKjX0-s6T40NfvhcudQ4T7A4WUmH1qVWQAWtB6DE/s400/Mom.jpg" /></a><br />
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For this one I couldn't just pick one person or place so I decided to go with my parents. I know its pretty cheesy but that's okay. If anyone had a big impact on the way that I am it was and is my parents. I like to tell people that between my mom and my papi my humor is just shot. I get most of it from my mom who gets it from her dad. But that doesn't mean I'm funny. As for the nerdiness that almost literally eminates from me... That's all from my dad. In the picture I'm using it was on my dad's 50th birthday when I bought him a Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Encyclopedia to which his automatic response was to sit down my 3 or 4 year old brother and start teaching him about Doctor Who. Our deep family discussions often include super heroes and comic books as well as Star Trek and just about anything else you can think of.<br />
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I love my parents very much and I love the influence they have had on me whether that be in my humor, my religion or my nerdiness, they have always been such good examples to me of love, dedication and service. They support me in basically everything I do and I love them so much for that.<br />
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Day 8: Short Term Goals for this month<br />
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Well I didn't start at the beginning of a month I'm kinda in the middle of the month but a few of the ones that I did have for August were obtain a car and Start school. Both of which have been accomplished. I think I'll set some short term goals for September. I would like to be able to do all of my homework and study well. I think that For September I'd like to try to make more friends and be slightly more social. But I can't think of any other short term goals... I think I need to re-learn how to set goals... haha I'll do that and then come back to it.<br />
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Day 9: Something you're proud of in the last few days<br />
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oh boy this is a hard one... How many days are few days? haha well I did just get a car and I feel like that is a very big accomplishment for myself. I still sometimes have difficulties believing that I actually own a car. Its awesome!! :) but that was like a week ago... almost two so... Hmmm the past few days... Well I've noticed that since my mission I've been able to talk to people easier. It's literally insane to me. I had a full conversation today with a boy I randomly happened to walk near on campus and it was a pretty decent one. I never would have done that as easily before. So big pat on the back for me! haha Yay! other than that I think its an awesome accomplishment that I'm still alive! That's always a miracle. :)<br />
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Alright now I just have to write todays post and I'm officially caught up. Man I'm bad at this. And to those of you reading if there are any... I'm sorry I'm the worst. I am a disgrace to the Ravenclaw house... :/ that is all<br />
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till later today...Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-35094807590804110342017-08-20T14:45:00.003-07:002017-08-20T14:45:43.028-07:0030 Days of Me: Day 6<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Favorite Super Hero and Why?<br />
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Anyone that knows me well knows that this question isn't worth asking. Haha Spiderman is my favorite super hero hands down. I've been in love with him since I was like 12 or something like that. So once upon a time my sister was doing marching band her freshman year in high school and my family was going to her very first ever parade and as we were walking to find a good spot to sit and have a good view there was a comic book store and outside of this comic book store on this particular day was a man dressed up as Spiderman handing out free Spiderman comic books. To my 12 year old mind this man was Spiderman and he was even signing the outside plastic as if he were Spidey himself. I didn't see him as a man in a costume he was the REAL Spiderman. I never realized it at the time but I think that is also part of the reason I got into Cosplay because he made such a huge impact on me. So the main reason that Spiderman is my favorite super hero is because He gave me my very first comic book. There's no going back from that. At any given time standing in my room with only moving your head you can typically see at least 8 things spiderman. and the Living room which I'm currently sitting in I look around and see at least 4 things spiderman all of which belong to me. You could say I have a bit of a problem but you know what I'm okay with that. Spiderman is my hero and I love him forever.<br />
So many people find out that I love spiderman and they ask "So... Tobey McGuire or Andrew Garfield (and now) or Tom Holland" and my response is always "Uh... SPIDERMAN!" I don't care who plays him or how he's portrayed I love him. There are definitely things I love about each of their takes and there are definitely things I don't like about each of them, but the one thing they have in common is that they played my super hero on the big screen and I love it! :P so yeah that's me. A small look into my mind. Viva el Spiderman!<br />
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<br />Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-36547603481565404112017-08-20T13:37:00.001-07:002017-08-20T13:37:31.659-07:00Here We Go AgainOkay yeah so I'm really bad at challenges... So sue me! Just kidding... Today is gonna be a bit of a make up day I think I have three days plus today to make up for so this post will be the missed days and I'll posted another one for today's real question.<br />
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Day 3: a picture of your animals<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7n10w7wI4fbL7mspyW4_2kNIlbRvlOxmGT85Viuf9mgjix50n_dWft5OGUr_Z5vqUP4v15kqi0J-94Bqf5oF6at01AcBzz4yQEg0dnH-JQAPWXd9tW2LZ2XLx72rsj7-S_upLvk6lyb0/s1600/IMG_1910.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7n10w7wI4fbL7mspyW4_2kNIlbRvlOxmGT85Viuf9mgjix50n_dWft5OGUr_Z5vqUP4v15kqi0J-94Bqf5oF6at01AcBzz4yQEg0dnH-JQAPWXd9tW2LZ2XLx72rsj7-S_upLvk6lyb0/s320/IMG_1910.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
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These are my animals. I have top to bottom: Leopold (Leo), Sampson (Sammy), Pepper, and my personal favorite Snoopy! I love them all very much however My family and their allergies are getting more sensitive to the cats so we might have to get rid of some of them and it brakes my heart. Snoopy is my very favorite of all of them, he's blind in one eye because when he was a kitten he was playing with his brothers and sisters and one of them scratched his eye. At least that's the story we heard. He's so loving and almost more like a dog than a cat he's so fun to observe. The picture of him I have here is the day before I left on my mission, he's sitting on my suitcase. It was almost as if he was telling me not to leave him. When I came home he ignored me for a little while I think he was a little bit bitter at me for leaving but now he loves me again.<br />
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Day 4: A Habit That You Wish You Didn't Have<br />
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I honestly don't feel like I have that bad of habits. I don't bite my nails or chew with my mouth open. Hmmm... I don't know this is a really hard one. My little sister said "binge watching TV shows when you should be doing something productive" but I do my productive things before watching TV typically. I guess I could go with sleeping till the last possible second. I sometimes cut it close when it comes to getting to places. But I'm working on it! But that's the only thing that I can think of I need to get better at waking up on time.<br />
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Day 5: A picture of Somewhere You've been to<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_YHt3vVVYFsxlTUk55y_754tNI3-Mq8cX84oKcbgPFOXVNBw_9w9G7S2nOzi3Bhqd4nDlvFDJWDGhMA4GShWSFyYBh52oSIWV8zs_fBpWM1rWx9MXi1LWeWcdazWkrPhlxZ5XPHVdDnw/s1600/IMG_2083.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_YHt3vVVYFsxlTUk55y_754tNI3-Mq8cX84oKcbgPFOXVNBw_9w9G7S2nOzi3Bhqd4nDlvFDJWDGhMA4GShWSFyYBh52oSIWV8zs_fBpWM1rWx9MXi1LWeWcdazWkrPhlxZ5XPHVdDnw/s320/IMG_2083.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
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This is a picture that I took in Oregon when I was serving in the Roseberg area. It was super difficult to decide what picture to share or post but Oregon definitely has my heart so I wanted to pick a picture that shows the beauty of it. It doesn't do everything justice but. Oregon. I want to go back so bad! I just fell in love.<br />
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YAY I'm all caught up again. Now I need to do the one that I have to do for today hahaha :) its a good thing not very many people read so that means I can maybe get away with it hehehe<br />
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<br />Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-69635103708494226262017-08-16T21:37:00.002-07:002017-08-16T21:37:15.981-07:0030 Days of Me: Day 2I shall not fail! I have been really not wanting to blog today but I shall not be defeated by this challenge. Today is "the meaning behind your blog name"<br />
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So not very interesting, but I'll take a twist on it as well. So my blog is as you can see called "The Graceless Form" I don't really have much meaning behind it, at all really... I'm pretty sure I picked it cause I felt like I didn't have too much grace as a person, I'm kinda clutsy and awkward butt hats okay. I came up with my blog name so many years ago it's ridiculous. But yeah, it's also the name of my tumblr in which case I could totally pretend that it was intentional and I was talking about a "Supernatural" angel that lost their grace. Therefore graceless form but alas that is not the truth entirely but I kinda dig the concept.<br />
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My twist on it is the meaning behind my blog pen name which is Lolovivi. I think it's French or something. I was in the eighth grade and I was kinda dating a boy. We picked random names with meanings and his was Pepin and mine was Lolovivi. I don't remember what Pepin meant but Lolovivi is something along the lines of "there is always love" which kinda makes me giggle because at the time I applied it to him which didn't end up panning out but it became my pen name and has been ever since, I still believe that there is always love so it works out. <br />
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Anyway I just didn't wanna fail so early but that's my answer! That's it for number 2! Until tomorrow! CiaoLolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-69736492645256831272017-08-15T17:56:00.000-07:002017-08-15T17:56:57.955-07:0030 Days of Me: Day 1Well hello there blog. Its been quite a few moons since I've been heard from... But as I have gotten bored and I have been pinning like no bodies business on Pinterest I have decided that I'm going to try to write a bit more often. I came across a challenge for writing called 30 Days of Me, so I said "shoot why not" and so here I am over 4 years since my last post starting on a 30 day journey to blog more... I hope I don't pull a VEDA here... I'd rather not fail miserably this time haha<div>
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Here Goes. All for nothing. </div>
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30 Days of Me</div>
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Day 1: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about you</div>
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HUZZAH!! There I am! Aren't I cute! Well that can be up for debate.</div>
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Now for 15 interesting facts about me... Well I know that I did a blog about me before and some stuff most people don't necessarily know about me (unless they do and or read my blog post...) so hopefully I don't pick the same things or steal from other posts that might be a thing later on in this challenge. I guess we'll find out!</div>
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<ol>
<li>I think the most popular color in my wardrobe is black. Its like in the lego movie when batman says, "I only work in black, or very dark shades of gray" I actually really like all colors but there's something about black that just makes anyone look good! </li>
<li>I have no plans to be married soon but I already know where I want to get married and that I want my two main colors to be Gray and Purple. That's my favorite color combination, boys in gray suits and purple accessories, whether that be the tie or the shirt, make me swoon. Its a dangerous color combination. Haha</li>
<li>As a side note to number 2. I also want to have my future husband (whoever you might be ;) ) to pick out another color to go with my two as long as it doesn't clash. Because in my opinion... it will be as much his wedding as it is mine. </li>
<li>I served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. I served in the Oregon Eugene Mission for 18 months and I loved it. Oregon is one of my favorite places ever. I do have to admit though, at first, I was very upset to be sent to Oregon. But after being home now for 4 months I couldn't imagine it any other way. </li>
<li>I just bought my first car! Its so nice to be able to take myself places and not panic about other people, I don't have to drive people places unless I want to! Its going to make work and school so much easier to get to. </li>
<li> I like to tell people that fall is my favorite holiday. people usually say "Fall's not a holiday!" To which I say "HECK YEAH IT IS!" I really love the fall. The colors, the smells, the food. Literally we have a day in the fall dedicated to getting tons of candy shortly followed by one dedicated to eating food and pretending that's how it was in the ancient colonies. So fall is just the best!</li>
<li>I love to Cosplay. If you don't know... It stands for Costume Play. It's when you dress up in costume for lots of different events and or parties and sometimes you do it just for fun. It is one of my favorite things which is a good excuse to like the fall. Halloween. One of the few days of the year that I don't get judged for wanting to put on a costume. Luckily I have rockin' friends who also like to cosplay so you know. Winning. One time on my mission I got made fun of so bad for cosplaying at home that I cried. That was super depressing. </li>
<li>I love little kid shows. I can gladly spend a day watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates with my little brother. Or literally, me and my siblings (all but one over the age of 13) were watching all of the Tinkerbell movies over the past few weeks. We just have to watch "The Pirate Fairy" (my personal favorite, she's on my list of people to cosplay) and "Tinkerbell and the Neverbeast" to finish watching all of them and I'm really excited about it. I've never seen the Never Beast!</li>
<li>I have the uncanny knack of memorizing said childrens theme songs. I've got Sailor Moon, Arthur, Zaboomafoo, Danny Phantom, Avatar the Last Airbender, Barney, My Little Pony, etc. Its really funny, and fun. I really enjoy it. </li>
<li>I do a martial art called hapkido. I've been doing it for the past 7 years. I tested for my black belt before my mission. I originally got into it because my boyfriend at the time did it. I would go and watch him and then my master came up to me and was like "If you're gonna watch you might as well participate. So I did and now here I am 7 years later, You could say I fell in love. With the art, not the boy. He's married now. </li>
<li>In elementary school I used to tell people that I came from the planet Pluto. Needless to say... I'm a little butt hurt about them denouncing pluto as a planet. When I was going to elementary school I learned to remember the planets by using the phrase " My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas" Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Neptune Pluto. Since saying Pluto wasn't a real planet My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine.... NINE WHAT!!! See it doesn't make any sense. Thanks NASA for confusing small children everywhere.</li>
<li>That being said... I used to want to be an astronomer! But I convinced myself that I wasn't smart enough for that.... :/</li>
<li>I also wanted to be a marine biologist. but also not being smart and also...</li>
<li>I can't swim very well.</li>
<li>If you haven't noticed... I'm struggling to get some of these last ones however... Last but not least is actually that I'm currently studying Criminal Justice. I'm super excited about it and I hope I don't convince myself I'm not smart enough. Although secretly I really want to be a interior designer/party planner. That would be my dream job. But I really like criminal justice too. I'm taking intro to forensics this semester and I'm really really excited. I"m not sure what I want to do with my degree yet but I have a few desires which include but are not limited to a detective, a forensic scientist, or a crime analyst. We'll see where it takes me. :) </li>
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So there you have it! a picture and 15 hopefully interesting facts about me! I hope you enjoyed. Till tomorrow! Ciao!</div>
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Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-59154729877971758612013-06-24T12:27:00.002-07:002013-06-24T12:37:14.361-07:00Just some thoughtsFriends should be the people you know will always have your back. In my life I have learned that it is hard to find that relationship and keep it. I have had the craziest of roller coasters in my life and because of it it has made me act or portray myself as a hater or a hardcore pessimist.<br />
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But honestly once you get to know me well, I am one of the most vulnerable people out there. I am such a softie and that's why I let out a rough and tumble strong girl appearance because I feel it necessary to alleviate the opportunities to hurt me. I want more than anything to be able to love and give my heart away but its scary.<br />
I want the opportunity to open up like I used to.. But its hard once you build up a wall to let people come and knock it down... Especially when you fear rejection.. when everyone believes you will fail or are wasting your time its hard. But such is life. Carry on, right?</div>
Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-6550048941605699792013-06-21T20:45:00.001-07:002013-06-21T20:45:44.275-07:00I completely failed Veda.... But we don't talk about that. ;) I'm still gonna try to vlog I got one good idea I might tryLolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-90387333505365654302013-04-04T11:41:00.001-07:002013-04-04T11:41:59.652-07:00VEDASo this month I am going to do VEDA, or Vlog Every Day in April. I am really hoping that it is going to be able to help me improve on my lack of good vlogging skills. Its going to be fun and hard all at the same time. So wish me luck and please watch them! Here's the link to my chanel: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy8Qk34UQJLLDcvn3q22oRg">http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy8Qk34UQJLLDcvn3q22oRg</a><br />
I'm excited for this and any comments or suggestions you have would be wonderful :) That's really all I had to say... Have a good day and happy VEDA!Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-73342854490776237212013-02-27T17:16:00.000-08:002013-02-27T17:16:18.078-08:00Confessions... What?!1. I love watching people play video games.<br />
I myself suck at video games but I really do absolutely love watching them. I think they are incredible and it makes me happy to watch someone that is good at them. Any but especially Assassin's Creed.<br />
<br />
2. I like to play Magic: the Gathering<br />
I learned how to play in like 3rd grade or something like that and I won the first time I ever played. I'm not entirely sure if this is due to the fact that they were being nice or I have a really good strategy. Lets just say I still use that strategy but people hate me for it, and then I lose...<br />
<br />
3. I like to drive fast<br />
I think this spawns from the fact that I love playing racing video games. Need For Speed anyone? I love it and its fun and I like feeling dangerous. But I don't do it when there's lots of people around. cause that's dangerous. ;)<br />
<br />
4. I like drawing<br />
Its fun. Its what I do for homework. I like my major. Now I'm not very good at drawing but its fun anyway.<br />
<br />
5. I like kissing boys<br />
I asked my sister what I like and she said this... I'm not going to deny it. But I'm also not a slut about it. I do enjoy kissing boys but its not like I'll kiss anyone. I have my standards. Kissing is fun.<br />
<br />
6. I like to be social<br />
Often times I know people that go places and its like a free for all in who goes and what not... So I'll go for the social aspects. I don't normally eat when they do but I definitely go to be social. I love having friends. I love being with people. So never be afraid to ask me to be social.<br />
<br />
7. I love to dance<br />
Dancing is so much fun. It is a mix of all my favorite things! Music and randomly moving! okay not all my favorite things but some of them. It is an expression of who you are and it's beautiful. I love every kind of dance.<br />
<br />
8. I love to sing<br />
I always sing. Anything. there's always something stuck in my head and I just enjoy singing. Its fun.<br />
<br />
9. I like writing poems<br />
I write poems sometimes and I think its really fun. I like most of them. But not all. Just another way to express myself.<br />
<br />
10. I like to sleep<br />
SLEEP! Its BEAUTIFUL! Who doesn't like to sleep. I'm fond of taking naps. I also like to fall asleep in boys arms. It is one of the most comfortable things I've ever experienced, I like the warmth of it and how special it makes me feel. Sleep. I would be sad with out it.<br />
<br />
11. I do enjoy running.<br />
I suck at running. (apparently I like things I suck at...) And although I suck at it and breathing is a piece of poo... I find it enjoyable and makes me feel good afterward. That's the important part. the good feeling you get after.<br />
<br />
12. I like to shuffle cards<br />
In the rainbow style. I could do it all day. Unless I'm shuffling them for Magic and I finish but no one else has... Then its frustrating because I'm ready to play but everyone else is being slow. But essentially I like to shuffle cards.<br />
<br />
13. I like coloring books<br />
I have a plethora of coloring books. There is a wide variety from Spiderman to Sesame Street. I love coloring in them its fun. And people should be jealous.<br />
<br />
14. I love martial arts<br />
I do a martial art called hapkido. Its Korean and a complete blast. I started doing it my junior year of high school and I fell absolutely in love with it. It was always the happiest part of my day and very theraputic. I really did enjoy it so much. It made me appreciate other types of martial arts as well. They are beautiful and definitely fun.<br />
<br />
15. I love to golf<br />
I joined the golf team my freshman year of high school honestly just for the heck of it. And I always felt like I had to be busy so I needed something in the spring season. It was awesome and I've officially deemed it one of my favorite things to do, with fun people of course.<br />
<br />
16. OH I LOVE BIRDS!<br />
This kind of goes with the first one. I like to watch video game trailers. (Including the literal ones) Video games are a wonderful art, Graphics and music and magic. And I do love birds. They are beautiful. Sometimes I wish I could fly. But they aren't above video games in my book. Again... even though I suck at them.<br />
<br />
17. Sometimes I read Cosmopolitan<br />
The magazine. Its kinda a guilty pleasure. But it doesn't happen too often.<br />
<br />
18. I love to read.<br />
I like basically any book. If you have a suggestion I will look into it and read it, and most likely enjoy it. I'm really not too picky with subject matter or style of writing. I also will read any genre.<br />
<br />
19. My favorite part of my body is probably my legs.<br />
I'm not sure why but most of the time I really like them. Not 100% of the time but a good portion of it. I'm proud of them ;)<br />
<br />
20. I sometimes talk in my sleep<br />
My roommate tells me that I talk in my sleep. Its usually really random and jumbled up but it happens. Also my sister said that once when we were sharing a room I kissed my stuffed pig and said a boys name after... I also beat people up sometimes in my sleep. Just ask my sister Jessie. I punched her once.<br />
<br />
21. I have a bucket list<br />
So far its really short. The only two things on it is "build a snowman in the middle of the road" and "fill a truck bed with pillows and blankets and go star gazing" I'm sure it'll get bigger.<br />
<br />
22. I Love Marching Band<br />
I love being on the field. I love learning new shows. I love working as a group. I really like marching, and I feel like I'm pretty good at it.<br />
<br />
23. For me the more friends the better.<br />
But this one is hard. I love having friends but I'm a rather shy person but I want to have lots and lots of friends. I like friends. I also try to make my friends happy and know they are special by what I do. Because we all know that actions speak louder than words.<br />
<br />
24. I'm kinda competitive.<br />
I like to impress people so in my book the harder I work the more impressed they'll be. SO I work my butt off to be good at things. Its why I taught myself to do a one handed cartwheel. Because I wanted to impress someone. I like to win too. I don't normally but its still fun. So that's my competitive nature.<br />
<br />
25. I'm slowly getting braver.<br />
I know its a really slow and long process but I am getting braver. I will take time to ask for things now. I mean its still scary but I'm tired of being afraid. I will try things I don't normally like. I am trying to not be overly picky with things and try anything.<br />
<br />
So there it is... 25 things you may or may not have already known and I hope you enjoy them. Have a good little look into the life that is mine.Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-71574719016167390122013-02-24T21:26:00.004-08:002013-02-24T21:26:47.306-08:00So I made a vlog... :)I made a vlog. So its a video blog. Its cool.<br />
Watch. Rate. Comment. Tell me what you think. It'll be really helpful.<br />
I want to get better so give me feedback.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHFnjt3s9FQ">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHFnjt3s9FQ</a>Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-72550765406361013742013-02-11T13:14:00.001-08:002013-02-11T13:14:09.839-08:00I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don't. W. Somerset MaughamI am the kind of person that always has something on my mind. Whether it be a compliment that I want to share or an opinion of my own, or the majority of the time a feeling I feel, or an activity I want to do. There is always something going on up stairs. But like the quote that is in this title I cannot say the words I want. Often times when I say something like "Why would ANYONE want to do that?!" I mean "I want to do that but feel as if I shouldn't so I won't". Another frequent that I do is "But we don't talk about that" That usually means that I just talked about it and it either seemed as if people didn't care or that I felt that I shouldn't have said what I just had. But it is easier for me to brush away something I just said and didn't actually mean then to be upfront and honest. (In some instances usually when it deals with myself, I can be honest to others...) What I mean to say is it is easy to lie to oneself and put aside the emotions that you are longing for and feel. It's a problem but that doesn't make it any easier to be completely honest with yourself. I have lots of things running through and around my mind but only sometimes do I let them out as honest words. And a lot of the time I cower from my own ideas because I'm afraid to create. I'm afraid that people won't like the truth about me and it does scare me. But being scared is human. And it is better to feel pain and fear then nothing. Because at least then you know you're alive.Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-57579685516872867182012-12-08T16:11:00.002-08:002012-12-08T16:11:04.009-08:00<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Band<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The smell of
sunscreen fills the air and rushing through the sky<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
A touch of
music springs to life as cadence begins to fly<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The fire of
the golden sun beats down upon the field<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The entire
passion showing through the instruments they wield<o:p></o:p></div>
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Clearly it is
band camp come again this year<o:p></o:p></div>
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Filling up
the campus with sounds of merry cheer<o:p></o:p></div>
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Throw in the
start of school “Bring it on” is all they say<o:p></o:p></div>
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For marching
band has started it is the best part of the day<o:p></o:p></div>
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One week
till the next show they scramble to get it done<o:p></o:p></div>
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Working like
a hive of bees still fighting to keep it fun<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The moment
comes to lay it down, perform with all their soul<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Always
listening for when the start whistle tune will roll<o:p></o:p></div>
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Off to the
races the band seems to jive <o:p></o:p></div>
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Giving off
energy they all feel alive<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
This is what
they’re made of blood, sweat and sometimes tears<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Band is what
they strive for it has been for years<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
This is what
they work for, to give themselves away<o:p></o:p></div>
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On that
field, a piece of them will always stay<o:p></o:p></div>
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Friendships
will be strengthened and memories remain<o:p></o:p></div>
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Of all the
joys and pleasures that in the players reign<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Marching
band is different and surely has its perks<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
We come from
all walks of life which is why it always works<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It is a type
of living and finding strength within<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Knowing that
together we have the power to fight and win<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Everyone is
equal as we work to remain as one<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And nothing
feels better than knowing you are done<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And giving
the football fans a gift, a special part of you<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
That most
would see as silly but is essential to the crew<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I march
because I love it and always feel the need<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
To show that
love to others and hopefully give the seed<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
To feel the
love that I do for something so underrated<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And
hopefully catch the epidemic even if it is belated.<o:p></o:p></div>
Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-1398776399650937242012-07-29T00:30:00.002-07:002012-07-29T00:30:43.253-07:00mehSo here I am.<br />
I'm a girl. Ha you know kinda crazy at times and can be really obnoxious.<br />
I'm watching a very strange show. Anyway if I had to say what some of my strengths and weaknesses were I'd say that I'm very good at caring for people but not very good at talking to them. I know that seems dumb.. But i'm really very shy until someone gets to know me and so i'm worried for college because of that. I'd also say that I'm really good at being indifferent. Not very good at making up my mind. anyway.. Yeah this post doesn't really mean much. I'm Just bored i guess that means i should go to bed eh? good plan.Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-50940596827971634022012-07-12T13:14:00.002-07:002012-07-12T13:14:42.201-07:00"As we were, so perfect, so happy.<br />
They'll remember, only our smiles 'cause that's all they've seen.<br />
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.<br />
As we were, so perfect, so happy.<br />
<br />
Don't put me underground, I was meant for a life somewhere else.<br />
Please, love, give me the wheel, before both of our hearts you<br />
will steal tonight (will steal tonight).<br />
<br />
As we were, so perfect, so happy.<br />
Don't remember, only your smiles 'cause that's all they've seen.<br />
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.<br />
As we were, so perfect, so happy."<br />
The approaching Curve<br />
Rise AgainstLolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-53264664600986475332012-06-16T02:31:00.001-07:002012-06-16T02:31:38.169-07:00Yet another post about Parades...I'm deprived don't judge!<br />
here's a little story I was thinking about a little while ago...<br />
<br />
So when I was probably about six I went to a parade somewhere with my grandpa. It was just me and him and he had this camp chair with a little canopy thing on it and I was sitting on his lap. We were just minding our business watching the parade when a news anchor came up to us and asked how we were doing and how we were enjoying the parade. Me being the shy little girl I was my grandpa mostly answered until they directly asked me what my favorite part of the parade was. I think my initial reaction was I don't know, but I was six so I thought about it and I answered "All the pretty floats with princess' on them" as all little girls would probably answer. So that day I was on the news.<br />
I'm no longer as cute and I don't fit on my grandpas lap anymore and my answer has definitely changed.<br />
Many of the band people say that the bands were there favorite. That wasn't true for me apparently Its even caught on film somewhere. I hardly remember the bands. But if I was just as cute and a news anchor asked me again I'd say<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">BAND</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: small;">because that's where my heart lies. and since I'm usually in the parades the rest bore me cause I'm not used to not being in it ya know?</span> </span>But loving band is just part of who I am. I know the work that goes into it and the pain from doing it. But the important part isn't the pain or the work its the satisfaction of knowing you accomplished something hard. and that you put yourself into it and gave something away that's greater than yourself. Band is truly amazing.</div>
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When I can't sleep I think about band... :) </div>
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Kristen Bandie for life </div>Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-66850842081139782842012-06-10T21:17:00.000-07:002012-06-10T21:17:11.591-07:00The Timpview Band: Not Being in the ParadeOh my goodness gosh golly goodness... Over the past four years I have done AT LEAST 20 parades. Not including Pearl Harbor, Moab, BYU Homecoming, and Disneyland. Do you know how crazy that is?! Wow... I miss doing parades. Yesterday was the first day in Four years that I was the one watching the parade. It was super weird you know that feeling when you're being yelled at and trying super hard not to smile? I don't get to feel that anymore instead I get to inflict that pain on my friends. Kayla did an amazing job not letting me get her. But I know she was trying SO SO SO hard! Haha It was amazing! She didn't break. I remember the feeling of the little devil on my shoulder telling me to give up to break down. I remember estimating how long the remainder of the parade was. I remember the feeling of burning shins during the parade and how incredibly satisfying that was and how proud I was to be a part of that amazing group of kids. I loved the challenge. The heat BRING IT. The cold BRING IT... HARDER. To me it didn't matter where we were and what we were doing when I dawned that uniform I changed and dug in harder than anyone could imagine. Sun, heat, rain, snow, miles or blocks I was going to finish and I was going to be proud. There is no way I was going to let down my toes, I wasn't going to drop my eyes because when I yelled "EYES WITH PRIDE" on the top of my lungs I sure as heck meant it. Never was I going through the motions because I WAS proud to be there. I was proud of what I stood for and I would never go back and not do marching band. Through everything I learned there I wouldn't change a thing. I am proud to have been a member of the Timpview High School Marching band. I always was, I cherished that uniform I was proud to wear it, to stand for something more than me, more than us. I was never the best but I worked through and pressed on because I strove to be better than my best. I didn't start off strong I was the last to pass off my music my freshman year I was an alternate for fall. The only thing I wanted was to be on that field to be making music with my friends to be the best I could I pushed and I pushed and I worked harder than most. To some it comes naturally, memorizing and playing, for me I had to work. But I told myself, "if you can't play the music perfectly make sure your eyes have pride and your never out of step your body is erect and you never be told to fix yourself. Always be with your left guide and never let anyone make you feel inferior. Just because you didn't catch on like some doesn't mean you don't belong. Be PROUD to be in the band" and I was. And I am proud of my band. I might not be in still but if I could I most definitely would. When I saw the band coming yesterday I was so excited I biffed it when I was trying to get up so I could cheer. And when I was yelling for them I was told "its good for them to have a cheering section" and the only thing I could think was "If I didn't cheer who would?" That's MY band. Those are the people that I love How could I not cheer them on. Give them hope for the end. Tell them to push through. Be proud of who they are and what they stand for. I'm happy I could cheer and even with me not marching my heart was with them and I had to let them know. My determination in band gave me a respect beyond anything I ever had. And band is where I belonged even though my journey through was hard. I had it worse than some but the important part is I NEVER quit. How could I? Band was my home. I remember how it was and not being there is different. Its slightly lonely but I was proud to see and hear my band coming down the road. It happens so fast but band is where I belonged. Bandies, its where you belong. Don't give up if you don't get it right away because you will never say "I worked so hard for nothing" and if there is anyone you should trust about that its me. I worked so hard and got everything, Dedication, Determination and most importantly the ability never to give up. So Work your tails off. Run for the roses ;) learn your peers names. Kick it in the butt. You will never regret what you do. Be Proud to be in the Band you are a Band Geek EMBRACE it. Never give up and try to persevere to the end because that's how it should be. Everything you do should symbolize that last block of the parade when you run; run with a goal, When you stretch; stretch with a purpose. Mean what you do and push because you will feel more satisfaction when you do. Never believe you are not good enough to continue because the band doesn't give up on anybody. Never be afraid to ask for extra help YOUR section leaders love you and want you to succeed. You ARE important to the band. That's what I learned my freshman year. No matter if you have a title or are the farthest behind. YOU matter to the band. YOU are important. No one is better than the other and don't stand for otherwise. The band is a symbol of love, don't take away from that because you NEED to love everyone, even when you don't learn to because "love is a choice" always will be decide what you will choose. How will you be when you graduate. I miss the opportunity you all have right now so please don't take it for granted. Not being in the parade is hard, but seeing the legacy you leave behind is endearing and I love the band more now because I know the work that goes into it. I Love the Timpview Band. I always will. Good job yesterday. My heart was with you. I love you and I miss you. Never be afraid to cross the finish line. Your biggest enemy is yourself. Trust me. I love you. Congratulations on your first parade, I'm proud of the freshmen. It only gets better. I promise. LOVE YOU GUYS!!<br />
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Special Shout Out:<br />
FLUTES I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! Kayla You rock Michaela You rock too! Cutie Flutie Patooties have hawt booties! AH YEAH!! ;) You know it :)<br />
and the rest of the band are hawt too :D<br />
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Love Always,<br />
Kristen Santa Maria Bandie forever!Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-15972476014365369332012-06-05T21:11:00.000-07:002012-06-05T21:13:02.934-07:00SummerMan... SUMMER IS BORING!<br />
You know you're a band geek when...<br />
You just graduated and in your summer you still wake up in time to be able to go to marching band.<br />
You'd rather be marching than sleeping<br />
You could honestly go to marching band and be able to play the music from memory<br />
I miss band so much I have nothing better to do with my life...<br />
So i sit at home and watch star trek :)... i'd still rather be marching<br />
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Good news is I am officially signed up to be in the USU Aggie Marching Band come this fall!! So excited. SO everyone watch Halftimes.<br />
and... I signed up for an ROTC class. Its called leadership and something life... Idk but I'm excited I'm not officially in the army but its like an into or something. I just need to build up my running skills if i'm actually gonna join the army.<br />
I got my USU ID yesterday... SO its official I'm an AGGIE... Kinda weird. Still don't know where I'm gonna live or how I'm gonna make money but I'll get there.<br />
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Summer a time that makes me wish i really had more friends that I could call and be like hey lets do something. One of the beauties of band you lucky ducks actually have something to do with your lives. I LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW IN A VERY CREEPY WAY :) I love band... i'm so lonely with out it.<br />
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And believe it or not... as glad as i am to be out of highschool i'm gonna miss all my friends. Cause thats really the only time i see any of them I'm a lonely little old fart. I'd sure love to hang out if anyone'd like. I love ya'll..<br />
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The term up to par makes me laugh.. cause most people are above and beyond par.. You want to be down to par. at least thats what Landers always told me haha... just a thought. don't judge..<br />
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Thoughts are weird. the end!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Live long and prosper. <span style="font-size: x-small;">thats the treky in me</span></span>Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-46255209359937512902012-04-29T18:41:00.001-07:002012-04-29T18:41:26.639-07:00I was thinking about it. There are those girls that are always asked on dates and such. I've never really been one of those girls. Doesn't really matter much. But I was just thinking about it and sometimes, I wish I was asked on dates more often. And I guess I could take matters into my own hands.. but I'm just awkward. :) And totally okay with whatever. yay for nonchalantness!Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-51042511088759712362012-04-29T18:07:00.000-07:002012-04-29T18:07:02.693-07:00I have finally seen the second Lord of the Rings movie. I still have yet to see the third. But thats okay I had a wonderful time with a wonderful person watching an amazing movie.<br />
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Can I just say that Sam Wise is my FAVORITE character. He definitely has the most insight and is the most amazing friend anyone could ask for. More people should be like Sam. He NEVER leaves Frodo even when Frodo is trying to kill him. He wants to help Frodo more than anything. "don't you lose him Sam Wise, don't you lose him. And I don't intend to." Sam is amazing<br />
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My friend is kinda like Sam I think. He's always there for me and no matter how I'm acting wants to make me feel better. I love that. He's so kind and sweet. Often times he's just what I need. I'm so grateful to him for everything he does for me and every time he's made me smile and laugh. He makes me very happy and I'm glad i got to spend time with him. Its a rare occasion but I'm so so Glad when it happens. And yesterday I definitely needed it. Thanks Friend LOVE YOU :DLolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1230151405680117776.post-2617392793360867492012-02-13T19:37:00.000-08:002012-02-13T19:38:25.041-08:00Idolization. Goodwill, and Compassion<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Herculanum; font-size: 23px; ">Going on a walk to surpass the day</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">There is no destination planned for me<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">As I wind my way through hectic city streets<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">To retire to the country peace.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">I walk on down the wide, wide path,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">That soon begins to narrow,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">And to my surprise, when the road should have pressed on<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">Were three smaller roads<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">Each one neat and clean<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">Which one to choose? Which one to pick?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">It simply can't be easy.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">They're all the same and yet so different<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">I can't make up my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">I need to know. I want to know<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">But it’s so hard you see.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">I find the posts with the three road names,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">Reading Idolization, Goodwill, and Compassion.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">Which one meant more, I couldn't tell you<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">One or the other, this one or that,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">To make up my mind would take more than time<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">It would take a lifetime if not only that<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">I would give up a million for that one decision.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">I thought and I sat, I sat and I thought,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">But my mind remained unmade.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">I decided to wait and decide on it later,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">But later would come sooner.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">For I could never forget those posts,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">The posts that read the names,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">Those names that I am getting to know really well<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">Those three little roads named<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum;color:black">Idolization, Goodwill and Compassion.</span><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:Herculanum"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->Lolovivihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17137371057928357874noreply@blogger.com0