Monday, June 24, 2013

Just some thoughts

Friends should be the people you know will always have your back. In my life I have learned that it is hard to find that relationship and keep it. I have had the craziest of roller coasters in my life and because of it it has made me act or portray myself as a hater or a hardcore pessimist.
But honestly once you get to know me well, I am one of the most vulnerable people out there. I am such a softie and that's why I let out a rough and tumble strong girl appearance because I feel it necessary to alleviate the opportunities to hurt me. I want more than anything to be able to love and give my heart away but its scary.
I want the opportunity to open up like I used to.. But its hard once you build up a wall to let people come and knock it down... Especially when you fear rejection.. when everyone believes you will fail or are wasting your time its hard. But such is life. Carry on, right?

Friday, June 21, 2013

I completely failed Veda.... But we don't talk about that. ;) I'm still gonna try to vlog I got one good idea I might try

Thursday, April 4, 2013


So this month I am going to do VEDA, or Vlog Every Day in April. I am really hoping that it is going to be able to help me improve on my lack of good vlogging skills. Its going to be fun and hard all at the same time. So wish me luck and please watch them! Here's the link to my chanel:
I'm excited for this and any comments or suggestions you have would be wonderful :) That's really all I had to say... Have a good day and happy VEDA!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Confessions... What?!

1. I love watching people play video games.
             I myself suck at video games but I really do absolutely love watching them. I think they are incredible and it makes me happy to watch someone that is good at them. Any but especially Assassin's Creed.

2. I like to play Magic: the Gathering
            I learned how to play in like 3rd grade or something like that and I won the first time I ever played. I'm not entirely sure if this is due to the fact that they were being nice or I have a really good strategy. Lets just say I still use that strategy but people hate me for it, and then I lose...

3. I like to drive fast
            I think this spawns from the fact that I love playing racing video games. Need For Speed anyone? I love it and its fun and I like feeling dangerous. But I don't do it when there's lots of people around. cause that's dangerous. ;)

4. I like drawing
            Its fun. Its what I do for homework. I like my major. Now I'm not very good at drawing but its fun anyway.

5. I like kissing boys
            I asked my sister what I like and she said this... I'm not going to deny it. But I'm also not a slut about it. I do enjoy kissing boys but its not like I'll kiss anyone. I have my standards. Kissing is fun.

6. I like to be social
            Often times I know people that go places and its like a free for all in who goes and what not... So I'll go for the social aspects. I don't normally eat when they do but I definitely go to be social. I love having friends. I love being with people. So never be afraid to ask me to be social.

7. I love to dance
            Dancing is so much fun. It is a mix of all my favorite things! Music and randomly moving! okay not all my favorite things but some of them. It is an expression of who you are and it's beautiful. I love every kind of dance.

8. I love to sing
            I always sing. Anything. there's always something stuck in my head and I just enjoy singing. Its fun.

9. I like writing poems
            I write poems sometimes and I think its really fun. I like most of them. But not all. Just another way to express myself.

10. I like to sleep
            SLEEP! Its BEAUTIFUL! Who doesn't like to sleep. I'm fond of taking naps. I also like to fall asleep in boys arms. It is one of the most comfortable things I've ever experienced, I like the warmth of it and how special it makes me feel. Sleep. I would be sad with out it.

11. I do enjoy running.
            I suck at running. (apparently I like things I suck at...) And although I suck at it and breathing is a piece of poo... I find it enjoyable and makes me feel good afterward. That's the important part. the good feeling you get after.

12. I like to shuffle cards
            In the rainbow style. I could do it all day. Unless I'm shuffling them for Magic and I finish but no one else has... Then its frustrating because I'm ready to play but everyone else is being slow. But essentially I like to shuffle cards.

13. I like coloring books
            I have a plethora of coloring books. There is a wide variety from Spiderman to Sesame Street. I love coloring in them its fun. And people should be jealous.

14. I love martial arts
            I do a martial art called hapkido. Its Korean and a complete blast. I started doing it my junior year of high school and I fell absolutely in love with it. It was always the happiest part of my day and very theraputic. I really did enjoy it so much. It made me appreciate other types of martial arts as well. They are beautiful and definitely fun.

15. I love to golf
            I joined the golf team my freshman year of high school honestly just for the heck of it. And I always felt like I had to be busy so I needed something in the spring season. It was awesome and I've officially deemed it one of my favorite things to do, with fun people of course.

            This kind of goes with the first one. I like to watch video game trailers. (Including the literal ones) Video games are a wonderful art, Graphics and music and magic. And I do love birds. They are beautiful. Sometimes I wish I could fly. But they aren't above video games in my book. Again... even though I suck at them.

17. Sometimes I read Cosmopolitan
            The magazine. Its kinda a guilty pleasure. But it doesn't happen too often.

18. I love to read.
            I like basically any book. If you have a suggestion I will look into it and read it, and most likely enjoy it. I'm really not too picky with subject matter or style of writing. I also will read any genre.

19. My favorite part of my body is probably my legs.
            I'm not sure why but most of the time I really like them. Not 100% of the time but a good portion of it. I'm proud of them ;)

20. I sometimes talk in my sleep
            My roommate tells me that I talk in my sleep. Its usually really random and jumbled up but it happens. Also my sister said that once when we were sharing a room I kissed my stuffed pig and said a boys name after... I also beat people up sometimes in my sleep. Just ask my sister Jessie. I punched her once.

21. I have a bucket list
            So far its really short. The only two things on it is "build a snowman in the middle of the road" and "fill a truck bed with pillows and blankets and go star gazing" I'm sure it'll get bigger.

22. I Love Marching Band
            I love being on the field. I love learning new shows. I love working as a group. I really like marching, and I feel like I'm pretty good at it.

23. For me the more friends the better.
            But this one is hard. I love having friends but I'm a rather shy person but I want to have lots and lots of friends. I like friends. I also try to make my friends happy and know they are special by what I do. Because we all know that actions speak louder than words.

24. I'm kinda competitive.
            I like to impress people so in my book the harder I work the more impressed they'll be. SO I work my butt off to be good at things. Its why I taught myself to do a one handed cartwheel. Because I wanted to impress someone. I like to win too. I don't normally but its still fun. So that's my competitive nature.

25. I'm slowly getting braver.
            I know its a really slow and long process but I am getting braver. I will take time to ask for things now. I mean its still scary but I'm tired of being afraid. I will try things I don't normally like. I am trying to not be overly picky with things and try anything.

So there it is... 25 things you may or may not have already known and I hope you enjoy them. Have a good little look into the life that is mine.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

So I made a vlog... :)

I made a vlog. So its a video blog. Its cool.
Watch. Rate. Comment. Tell me what you think. It'll be really helpful.
I want to get better so give me feedback.

Monday, February 11, 2013

I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don't. W. Somerset Maugham

I am the kind of person that always has something on my mind. Whether it be a compliment that I want to share or an opinion of my own, or the majority of the time a feeling I feel, or an activity I want to do. There is always something going on up stairs. But like the quote that is in this title I cannot say the words I want. Often times when I say something like "Why would ANYONE want to do that?!" I mean "I want to do that but feel as if I shouldn't so I won't". Another frequent that I do is "But we don't talk about that" That usually means that I just talked about it and it either seemed as if people didn't care or that I felt that I shouldn't have said what I just had. But it is easier for me to brush away something I just said and didn't actually mean then to be upfront and honest. (In some instances usually when it deals with myself, I can be honest to others...) What I mean to say is it is easy to lie to oneself and put aside the emotions that you are longing for and feel. It's a problem but that doesn't make it any easier to be completely honest with yourself. I have lots of things running through and around my mind but only sometimes do I let them out as honest words. And a lot of the time I cower from my own ideas because I'm afraid to create. I'm afraid that people won't like the truth about me and it does scare me. But being scared is human. And it is better to feel pain and fear then nothing. Because at least then you know you're alive.