I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don't. W. Somerset Maugham

I am the kind of person that always has something on my mind. Whether it be a compliment that I want to share or an opinion of my own, or the majority of the time a feeling I feel, or an activity I want to do. There is always something going on up stairs. But like the quote that is in this title I cannot say the words I want. Often times when I say something like "Why would ANYONE want to do that?!" I mean "I want to do that but feel as if I shouldn't so I won't". Another frequent that I do is "But we don't talk about that" That usually means that I just talked about it and it either seemed as if people didn't care or that I felt that I shouldn't have said what I just had. But it is easier for me to brush away something I just said and didn't actually mean then to be upfront and honest. (In some instances usually when it deals with myself, I can be honest to others...) What I mean to say is it is easy to lie to oneself and put aside the emotions that you are longing for and feel. It's a problem but that doesn't make it any easier to be completely honest with yourself. I have lots of things running through and around my mind but only sometimes do I let them out as honest words. And a lot of the time I cower from my own ideas because I'm afraid to create. I'm afraid that people won't like the truth about me and it does scare me. But being scared is human. And it is better to feel pain and fear then nothing. Because at least then you know you're alive.