Lolovivi

My pen name means there is always love. Sometimes it is really hard to remember that there is. And that no matter how life becomes or where we're headed someone out there will always love you. It may not be the person whose attention you are dying for but someone always loves you. In my case its my Heavenly Father because I believe there is one. I don't understand always that he's there for me and that I can turn to him. Or that he does things for a reason. Someone will always love me. Someone will always love you....

I fail to remember that a lot because I feel lost and alone in the crazy world of today. I just want to be noticed to know someone that isn't above me loves me. But if my Father upstairs loves me it should be enough, but sometimes its not.

I'm so thankful to Him though.

So Lolovivi, there is always love remember it
{Yes I was talking to myself in third person...I do that sometimes... don't worry about it.}

i sometimes feel like i'm fighting for a lost cause. the pain it gives me is excruciating. I'm so pathetic maybe i'll just disappear. sounds good to me... I just want to be happy and fun. But i'm answer E. None of the above. I'm not loved by ... and i want to cry. but there are no tears left in me.

Diary Of A Broken Heart

Brittany Montgumery

We were just friends at the start,
Always having fun, never apart
Then one day, something sparked
The next thing I knew, you had my heart.

The days flew by,
I lost track of time
Everytime I was with you,
I was on cloud nine.

Then one day, you asked me to be your girlfriend
I exclaimed, yes! and prayed we'd last until the very end.
No one could look into my eyes and say I wasn't happy,
Happy that I was with you, and you were with me.

With me in your arms, you told me you loved me,
Then gently kissed my forehead and gave me a squeeze.
I was convinced you were the one for me,
Apart from you, I would never be.

Just when I thought all was well,
Was when you began to put me through hell.
You said, we should just be friends
That's when I knew it was the end.

I looked into your eyes, trying to find out why,
It was all I could do, not to begin to cry.
Where I once saw love, I saw nothing,
I couldn't believe you no longer felt something.

I lay in bed, counting my tears,
Each representing what I'd hoped would be years.
Years of happiness, for us to be together,
A long-lived life, forever and ever.

But in my heart, I know this will never be,
For in yours, no longer is there a place for me.
I gave you my all; I gave you my heart,
Little did I know that you'd tear it apart.

Everyday I place a smile on my face,
As for tears, there is not a trace.
You ripped me apart, but yet it's true,
Forever and always, I'll still love you.

Blech

I have a happy list. In other words a list of things to make me happy. I need to work on that. My attitude makes people stay away from me. I dont feel like I belong anywhere, I feel like I simply exist and that I have no where to turn to. Well sure I know I do, but that's not what I mean. Its complicated. Maybe I could be happier but i probably won't let myself. I need help. I really do.

A.C.T

Once upon a time on an oddly ordinary day, I woke up and went to school. But instead we took the ACT party? Not really. I didn't stress it. I didn't even study and i didn't stress it... I'm not sure if its a good thing. I just told myself its just another test. and that was my outlook. I don't find the ACT particularly hard. The only thing I felt like was hard was staying on time and completing the whole thing. But I did it and I'm happy with myself, yeah I WILL not get a perfect score, I probably won't even get a genuinly highish schore. But I'll get what I deserve and that's all I can ask for, right? :D yay for not stressing about a test even if it can determine where I go for college! :)

Changed

Once upon a time a friend came up to me and asked "Are you okay?"
My response was "Yes, why?" They said something to the extent of' "You're smiling and you don't normally do that." The End

Okay this WAS true. I always looked at the bad things in life and rarely smiled.
But as of late I've been giving myself hope. Possibly false hope but hope none the less.
I really am a different person than I was a year ago. Even just a week ago.
I feel that I make myself who I am. I can make myself sick, or I can make myself a hero.
It all depends on my point of view and what I do with my life. I'm so grateful to wonderful friends who have supported me and honestly helped me to change who I am into a better person.
Sometimes people don't believe me but I wasn't the best person ever, I was even a lost soul with seemingly no where to turn to. But I was found and picked up and set in the right direction and now I feel as if I can carry on as if I can be me. Even if it's a slow process.

I can be happy if I let myself. I can have hope if I give it to me. I can Love life if I want to.

I have places to turn and I have people to talk to. I'm so thankful for that.

Avril Lavigne

Anything But Ordinary...

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defences
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
that this world is a beautiful
accident, turbulent, succulent
opulent permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
oh
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

{Dead} Cold Night..

I'm standin' on the bridge
I'm waitin' in the dark,
I thought that you'd be here, by now.
Theres nothing but the rain,
no footsteps on the ground,
Im listening, but there's no sound.

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home.

Chorus:
It's a [dead] cold night,
Tryin' to figure out this life,
Won't you take me by the hand,
Take me somewhere new,
I don't know who you are but I,
I'm with you.
I'm with you.

I'm lookin' for a place,
I'm searchin' for a face,
Is anybody here I know,
Cause' nothin's goin right,
And everything's a mess,
And no one likes to be alone.

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home.

Chorus:
It's a [dead] cold night,
Tryin' to figure out this life,
Won't you take me by the hand,
Take me somewhere new,
I don't know who you are but I,
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
Ya eah

Oh, why is everything so confusing,
Maybe I'm just out of my mind,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Chorus:
It's a [dead] cold night
Tryin to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I,
I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but
I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
Don't know who you are but I,
I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you

Keep Holding On...

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Sums it all up. Love these songs!

longing

I miss that quirky smile directed at me... I can't help but flood with emotions when in the same room. My heart races as my head throbs with longing. I miss hearing the laugh that fills up the room when I'd say something stupid. I miss seeing the sparkling eyes that would rest upon me with stern adoration. I miss feeling the warm embrace that I never want to be let out of. I don't miss the smell when you walk past me, simply because I can still savour it. That smell makes my world stop, my semi-non-functional brain freeze and not notice anything or anyone around. I can't think when I am engulfed by the presence in the room. My head spins and my mouth turns upward. Gradually my face brightens with a pink hue that tells me I'm so in love. I miss knowing that despite the ups and downs of my life I'd never be alone. In all I miss you and want so bad for you to come back. Patiently I must wait to see what is instore for me... truthfully I hope its you at the end of my dark tunnel of fear and life. The steps I take are in the direction of your pure countinence and joy that eminates off you and plants itself in my heart. I feel you in me and I know I will always love you... Even when I try to not, I can not, and sometimes fear I will not. But the fear is also hope and the hope is always there just as you are always on my mind. I'm longing for you to be with me, but I MUST wait, and i will.