Monday, February 21, 2011

More urban dictionary...

I searched a certain boy's name it said such.....
[He is] more than likely going to be one of the sweetest guys you'll ever meet. Very often he will be smart, and extremely good-looking. His smile will send a thousand rose-petals off the ground, just spinning around your heart. [He] tend[s] to be very trustworthy, but it takes a lot for [him] to trust another. He will always know exactly what to say to make you smile; flirty or true. He tends to be a big flirt, but when he finds a girl to settle down with, he will stop. [He] have a lot of friends, and are very good in sports. He will fall in love very fast, and truly. He wont lie to you. He'll do basically anything he can just to make his one-and-only happy, even if that means going to the extreme. Can often be clingy, but in a cute way. He will always be there for you in any time of need. If you don't have a [one] as a friend (or more) already, it's time you head off and get one! [He] obtains extreme ninja skills. Loves Blue. Puts other people before himself. An amazing guy. One of the best anyone could know. It is recommended you should meet him but then you might start liking him as much as other people do. when he dances he gets everyones attention because its unusually silly. Can have a big mouth sometimes but is fun to be around. [He] is smart and totally funny. He's cute but he'll never ever think he is. He has an amazing girlfriend and amazing friends. He's an amazing boyfriend, so girls, don't let [him] go. He's shy and quiet most of the time, but when he does talk to people, it's usually important.
... he go bye bye... but my hope still exists

Urban Dictionary

Kristen: –adjective
pronounced "kris-tuhn"
being of extreme beauty, class, and creativity.
also happens to be pretty rad.
Slang for "most awesome girl ever"
usually extremely beautiful. can surprise you at what she can do.
very outgoing. can be emotional at times, but mostly just wants to party!
An amazing person, not likely to ever leave your thoughts,
always to the be te only one on your mind . Incredibly beautiful,
nice, smart, caring, and all-around great . Her eyes gleem with
a radiance of a thousand stars, her lips draw you in, like magnets,
her love is like life, without it, you surely cannot live.
Very hott girl that you won't seem to every forget about,
amazing personality and great figure.

I don't Feel this way at all but it makes me smile and want to hope for me that it'll be good
Life is good life is great lets put it all in the hands of fate.
I may not act like it at all but I really love my life and am so thankful for hope and the strength to carry on
I love my friends and those beautiful enough to listen to me rant.
I love to be me as I'm discovering and I'm not a rag doll to be tossed around and damaged but still loved
can't i be loved whole for who i think i am?

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Me, Behind Me

...A poem by me...

I'm waiting around for you to see
That you hold the key that's truly to me
I fear the moment I'll wake up alone
and listening to silence before you hang up the phone
falling away not knowing the truth
while I'm stuck in the midst of my dying youth

Fear is the thing I need to leave
find myself and truly believe
I can fly if i spread my wings
can't let my mind rest on the tings
that distract me from beint the me behind me

Looking around into the clearest space
afraid to say what i feel to your face
memories past swirl all around
as i struggle to keep my feet on the ground
swimming around in the fear to succeed
hoping that in my heart i won't bleed


Fear is the thing I need to leave
find myself and truly believe
I can fly if i spread my wings
can't let my mind rest on the tings
that distract me from beint the me behind me

I need to let it all out and find Me behind me...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

LAKBLA!

So a heads up. I'm in a love hate relationship with my bass clarinet.
I have my days. I even wanted to perhaps learn a solo on it but by that time...
of course it was too late... anyway...

SOLO ENSEMBLE!
I played a flute solo called Tambourin by François Gossec.
I loved it and...
I GET TO GO TO REGION SOLO/ENSEMBLE!
Oh I had a nervous break down before I played but... my friends helped me through it
and i guess i sounded okay...
I'm mostly content. AND... Still living

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Decision...

I decided to play the Bass Clarinet.

I don't particularly prefer it but I'll do anything not to go back to concert band.

and i guess it's a decent instrument.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Facing Disappointment

I look up and see a face in a doorway and they walk in. The look on the face tells me what words will follow. My hearing goes awry but I know what's being said, "if the auditions are close I always put the one who was already there in but they weren't close." Tears streaming down my face I barely heard the rest. I now have to face the worst disappointment of my life.

I didn't remake the Symphonic Band.

No one can say that I didn't try. No one knows how hard I practiced aside from me. My heart has been torn open. And the pain will be there for a long time. No matter how much one might want something and believe that something will happen, it not always will. People have to deal with disappointments. I feel like I'm wearing a scarlet letter. Not in the real sense but because as I walk through the halls of school I feel people looking at me and judging me, because I WASN'T good enough. It hurts more than anyone can imagine.

Now I'm faced with a decision.

Go back to concert band... Or once again play the BASS CLARINET...

To do either is humiliation, to do neither is defeat.

but i must face disappointment. and its hard.

Disappointment...