Me, Behind Me

...A poem by me...

I'm waiting around for you to see
That you hold the key that's truly to me
I fear the moment I'll wake up alone
and listening to silence before you hang up the phone
falling away not knowing the truth
while I'm stuck in the midst of my dying youth

Fear is the thing I need to leave
find myself and truly believe
I can fly if i spread my wings
can't let my mind rest on the tings
that distract me from beint the me behind me

Looking around into the clearest space
afraid to say what i feel to your face
memories past swirl all around
as i struggle to keep my feet on the ground
swimming around in the fear to succeed
hoping that in my heart i won't bleed


Fear is the thing I need to leave
find myself and truly believe
I can fly if i spread my wings
can't let my mind rest on the tings
that distract me from beint the me behind me

I need to let it all out and find Me behind me...

LAKBLA!

So a heads up. I'm in a love hate relationship with my bass clarinet.
I have my days. I even wanted to perhaps learn a solo on it but by that time...
of course it was too late... anyway...

SOLO ENSEMBLE!
I played a flute solo called Tambourin by François Gossec.
I loved it and...
I GET TO GO TO REGION SOLO/ENSEMBLE!
Oh I had a nervous break down before I played but... my friends helped me through it
and i guess i sounded okay...
I'm mostly content. AND... Still living

Decision...

I decided to play the Bass Clarinet.

I don't particularly prefer it but I'll do anything not to go back to concert band.

and i guess it's a decent instrument.

Facing Disappointment

I look up and see a face in a doorway and they walk in. The look on the face tells me what words will follow. My hearing goes awry but I know what's being said, "if the auditions are close I always put the one who was already there in but they weren't close." Tears streaming down my face I barely heard the rest. I now have to face the worst disappointment of my life.

I didn't remake the Symphonic Band.

No one can say that I didn't try. No one knows how hard I practiced aside from me. My heart has been torn open. And the pain will be there for a long time. No matter how much one might want something and believe that something will happen, it not always will. People have to deal with disappointments. I feel like I'm wearing a scarlet letter. Not in the real sense but because as I walk through the halls of school I feel people looking at me and judging me, because I WASN'T good enough. It hurts more than anyone can imagine.

Now I'm faced with a decision.

Go back to concert band... Or once again play the BASS CLARINET...

To do either is humiliation, to do neither is defeat.

but i must face disappointment. and its hard.

Disappointment...

the liberties of life + Things we take for granted = Dealing with Diapers to Guiding Graduates

Life comes at you fast. I'm not talking about auto insurance. One moment you're in diapers and the next you could be graduating high school. Life comes with liberties and we can't let them go to waste. We are in control of our liberties too; we aren't forced to do something we don't want to. Sometimes it may seem like that isn't true, but this is a free country, is it not? Liberties exist but not without their limits, freedom is only so little as well. When you kill someone, you will go to jail, but it was your free liberty that gave you the false right to believe you could kill that person. There is so much that can't be done, and we call this a free country? We are free but given guidelines, laws, and consequences if those laws are broken, the judges verdict.
Living in the United States of America we can tend to take things for granted, such as, the freedoms that we have. Like I've said before, we aren't completely free but we aren't in bondage either. Some countries don't have it as easy as we do. They actually have to struggle through everyday life and while we sit on our rears eating potato chips, they are drinking dirty water and eating rotting food just to stay alive. We can make a difference but we don't try, we just go through life taking every drink of soda and every bite of fresh food for granted. We need to open our eyes to what’s around us. They are people too and we can help them live better longer.

Things We Take For Granted

Living in the United States of America we can tend to take things for granted. Such as the freedoms that we have. Like I've said before we aren't completely free but we aren't in bondage either. Some countries don't have it as easy as we do. They actually have to struggle through everyday life and while we sit on our rears eating potato chips flipping through the channels skipping over the news cause its unimportant to us and watching some stupid cartoon like Sponge Bob they are drinking dirty water and eating rotting food just to stay alive. That is what we should be paying attention to not some fantasies of childish adults in the US. I admit I tend to not watch the news but when i do I'm disgusted by the ignorance in us. We can make a difference but we don't try we just go through life taking every drink of soda and every bite of fresh food for granted. We need to open our eyes to whats around us. They are people too and we can help them live better longer.