Sunday, June 12, 2011

another poem

okay so The Open... Yeah not the poem I really wanted to post so... I feel like I have to post the one I originally wanted to put up... I think it is my favorite one I've written...

One tree

One solitary tree stands in isolation

On a simple hill

Its withered and worn branches

Are fighting to keep their will

It has no friends who stay with it,

And last the whole year's seasons.

Its only visits are oft from birds,

Who forget him with no reasons?

As days go on it watches the sunsets

Wishing to start anew.

Everyday watching the rising and setting

Wanting it to be him up there in the blue.

It longs for it, it yearns for it,

But it shall never come.

This poor old tree in a dying state

Is starting to be numb.

Though dying it still wants to

Start once more,

To be one small, learning to live,

And striving for life's open door.

And though it struggles with

Its last and dying breath

Wanting to live but slowly easing into death,

It still stands with pride

For he knows now dying is the

End of life's winding ride.

blabber...

Have you ever got into one of those weird moods where you just want to come clean about everything and tell people the truth and what not. and then to make you feel better you simply pretend like you are gonna tell them so you either type and email or something that you want to send then plan on deleteing? Or have you ever done that and then instead of hitting delete you accidentally hit send. Yeah worst thing ever! So in other words don't pretend to tell people stuff you don't really want to tell them because it will not turn out okay.
Well it might but you'll feel like an idiot. Of course i don't have expirence with this at all...

Anyway... I decided that I wish I had something profound and deep to ever say on this blog. But even when i think i found something deep to talk about in never runs smoothly... this happens to me often... Can you tell?

Here read a poem...

The Open

By: Kristen Santa Maria

You’re sitting there so oblivious of the way I feel

My mind is set on one question,

Is this passion real?

You’re hiding the emotion that I cannot see,

I want them to come out and set this feeling free.

They hold the key for the farthest reaches of my mind

So far I don’t know if I want you to find.

It’s odd to think I pour out all my soul,

I rant about my little life like you care in full.

I cannot speak untruthfully cause the way you act,

And though I try to keep it in I know it will all fall out,

It’s sad you see but only truthful fact.

You may not know the torture that I feel inside,

Its out so fast I simply cannot hide.

Why can’t I keep my mouth all shut and keep the secrets in?

My heart and mind always seem to battle but when it comes to an end my heart will always win.

And so its out but you don’t know

And so I’m left with woe.

What’s done is done

What’s said is said,

And with that it comes to an end.


I wrote that in 8th grade... wow long time ago...

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Everything i do -Bryan Adams

Look into my eyes, you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
And when you find me there, you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you

Look into your heart, you will find
There's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I would give it all, I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you, oooh yeah

There's no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere unless you're there
All the time, all the way, yeah

Look into your heart, baby
Hey
Oh yeah

Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more
Yeah, I would fight for you, I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you, yeah, I'd die for you

You know it's true
Everything I do
Oooh, I do it for you

Everything I do, darling
I will see you through
I will see you through
Oh yeah
YEAH!

Got your heart
You can't tell me it ain't worth dyin' for
Oh yeah
I'll be there

I'd walk the wire
I'd die for you

Oooh yeah
One more time
I'm goin' all the way, all the way, yeah
I'll be there

Oooh yeah
Oh


there was a time when i watched Robin Hood Prince of Theives with a close friend... reflecting back on that day i can remember it as if it were yesterday (then again... i usually have dificulties remembering yesterdays...) but i remember it very well. Happiness is one emotion i remember, utmost giddiness... I remember warmth too. Enjoyment was definitely there. anyway this song plays at the end of it and it makes me happy... and Its so true in my life. I feel lonely sometimes and lost, but i'm always fighting for something. Mostly love. and it is true everything i do i do it for you... er yeah...

Monday, May 16, 2011

Lo\/e

Lo\/e.Is.weird.
Lo\/e.is.blind.
Lo\/e.hurts.
and.lo\/e.heals.
LO\/E.is.e\/erything.my.heart.feels...

I.am.in.lo\/e.im.sorry.but.i.am...

there.is.something.about.the.nonekistant.spring.in.Utah.
it.made.my.lo\/e.stronger.i.think...

dont.mind.the.weirdness...my.keyboard.is.broken...

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Rain.

There is so many memories for me associated with rain...

But my favorite involves Mario Kart, and such.
I love love love the rain. It is gorgeous and smells good. I remember laughing in it. I remember dancing in it. Being chased in it. "Fighting" in it. Kissing in it. Smiling in it. Feeling so so happy.

"In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain. Reflecting now on how things could have been it was worth it in the end."
-Daughtry

I love You!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy- Saving Jane

Filling up my empty days with red wine
Wonder what you think of me?
Lying in the grass alone and wasted
Nothing's how it used to be

I wanna be the first to call and tell you
Yesterday I heard the news
I hear you oughtta be congratulated
So I guess that's what I'll do

I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry.

Listen to the sound of my head pounding
Wish that it was make-believe
Praying for the skies to open up and
Wash away your memory

I can walk around with a pretty face on
Even when I'm black and blue
What's the point in telling everybody
I'm not over you.

I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry.

Cry about the love we used to have
Cry that I won't ever get you back

Filling up my empty days with red wine
Wonder what you think of me?

I'm so happy for you
I could cry
Yeah, I'm so elated
Cross my heart and hope to die
I'm so happy for you
So, so happy for you
I don't think about you every night
Before I close my eyes
I'm so happy for you baby,
I could cry.

the song speaks for me. a moment came where i thought i might have a shot. but why would i? I'm nothing special... and i sure don't have a personality. I wish that i could be confident.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A Beautiful Girl

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" or so its been said. But then what do I behold? I don't particularly think I'm pretty, though I've been told that I am. I don't see myself as being beautiful at all most days. On occasion I will think that I am. But in the end I don't see it.

Apparently other people do. But that's all they see. My personality doesn't strike them as appealing and they don't take the time to get to know me for who I am. All they see is a pretty face and it kinda stinks. I want someone to want to get to know me cause I'm funny, which I am believe it or not, or because I'm someone they could see being good friends with.

I don't want to be just a pretty face, sometimes I think would it be easier to be ugly? I mean then if people got to know me then it wouldn't be because I was pretty outside, but inside where it counts. But maybe because I'm so called Beautiful on the outside, I'm ugly on the inside.

I odn't know how to let my inner beauty shine... and sometimes I just need help, or a new friend... Someone that I can trust. I'm a shy person. Maybe you could be the one to help me open up again. Maybe you can help me shine...

But I'll probably never know.
I'm just a beautiful girl after all.