A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Maybe I'm emo for liking Poe. But I do so deal.
It is a very good question though... IS all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream? sometimes i think it would be easier to find out that our lives were just a dream. But if it was i know i wouldn't want mine to be my escape from reality. What if one day you woke up and found out that this dream or life was like the falling dream. you always wake up before you hit the bottom. So you are in this dream until you are near death then you wake up one day and are 14 again and you can relive your life. But better you wouldn't make the same mistakes you would know what to avoid how to act and how to behave. But in reality we learn from our mistakes, yes? And without mistakes growth can not occur. Perhaps. SO life can't be a dream within a dream. But we can make up a dream with in a dream. I know i have one...

He may be eerie. but i like him. Thanks Poe for a fabulous poem. :D

i seem to post when i'm upset usually. I swear i really am a happier person mostly....

here... I'll post about some of my favorite things.

Sport-
Soccer. I absolutely love soccer. I was introduced to the game in 6th grade. I didn't know what I was doing i just went for it. You know during the good old days of recess. I'm decent at soccer you know, so i've been told. I've taught myself basically all i know. But I need some help. Heck I'm thinking about trying out for the soccer team for the heck of it who knows.

Pass Time-
Reading. Generally doesn't matter what book. If its not a textbook that is. I'll read it, and generally I'll Like it. I've read some strange books in my life time. I recently read one about a girl that committed suicide and left tapes for people who were a part of her decision. kinda creepy i know... but i still liked it... My favorite books have been The Leven Thumps series by Obert Skye, and The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini... I also enjoyed reading the Series of unfortunate Events by Lemmony Snickett. I got three every year for a while till i owned them all it was great, christmas my birthday, who knew when i'd get them.

Extra Curricular-
Marching Band. Who doesn't like marching on a feild with a uniform on? Not only do you get to sweat a lot, you get to love a lot too. Because of marching band I met my best friend. Because of marching band I felt important. Okay because of marching band I met most of my friends. Sure marching band is a lot of work and it can get tedious after a while but your sense of accomplishment after each so is worth it.

sleeping- no need for an explination.

Colors- Red and Yellow. Spicy and attractive. Plus they are so happy colors.

Favorites.
every one has them.
what are yours?

Falling from the top of the world into the pit of despair.

Welcome to life.

It happens to the best of us.

One moment can be one of pure bliss

and then you fall.

Some might call it bipolar.

I call it Kristen Santa Maria.

I Don't know whats wrong with me

but once I'm happy I have this nasty habit of plunging into the deep end

And I (literally) can not swim. Thus I drown.

I push people away from me.

Not intentionally... generally...

it just happens. And I feel like the world is just so hostile.

can i truly let myself be happy.

because I know my unhappiness is caused by myself

Sometimes I just want to jump off a cliff...

But i won't i'm scared of heights...

but if i did would someone catch me?

Who Do I Have?

If you have him... who do i have?

I need to feel again. Right now I'm just a black hole only taking in things.
I don't have an opinion. I didn't before but now its worse.
I use to say Fake it till you Feel it but now I know its Fake it till you Fake it better. For me anyway.

What is happiness if its forced half the time.
Or hope when you know the hoping will get you no where.
What is trust if you're scared to give it out
What is love if no one returns it. If no one wants it from you.

I'm going down.
and I don't know if I'll get back up.
if I'd even want to.

if anyone'd care.

Don't turn your back on me I already feel given up on.

The Promise
-Anberlin

If you need a friend,
don't look to a stranger,
You know in the end,
I'll always be there.

And when you're in doubt,
and when you're in danger,
Take a look all around,
and I'll be there.

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
But if you'll wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you I will.

When your day is through,
and so is your temper,
You know what to do,
I'm gonna always be there.

Sometimes if I shout,
it's not what's intended.
These words just come out,
with no gripe to bear.

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
But if you'll wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
And if I had to walk the world, I'd make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you I will.

I gotta tell ya, I need to tell ya, I gotta tell ya, I gotta tell yaaaa ...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
But if you'll wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
And if I had to walk the world, I'd make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you I will ...
I will...
I will...
I will

I know you're busy, and I'm a little needy girl who just strives for attention.
But you did promise. YOU PROMISED YOU"D ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME.
I have proof too.

granted i may be annoying and i may be wishing for a fallen dream, but i just need someone.
Someone i trust and you're the last person i gave my entire trust too. The only one i tell everything to.
The only one i need. I just need a friend. but i can't find any as special as you, as blessed as you
and talented as you. You knew what i needed to hear when i needed to hear it you found me
you saved me. now save me again. I know it won't be the same but i still need a hero and you still fit the bill.

Please don't give up on me, don't leave me alone... I need you.... I love you... and with that i know its alone but i can't help it trust me i try to not i try so so so hard. I try for you.

My Best Friend

Mater: "I knew I made the right decision"

Lightning McQueen: "In what?"

Mater: "My Best Friend."
-Disney and Pixar's animated film 'Cars'

Happy Birthday Best Friend! (Yesterday)

My best friend is...
Amazing, Fun, Humorous, Attractive, Ridiculous, Ninja, Spiffy, Silly,
Rambunctious, Spiritual, Supportive, Charismatic, Spunky, Athletic, Honest, Trustworthy,
Caring, Polite, Gentlemanly, Tall, Jazzy, Sweet, Adventurous, Monkey-man, and I could go on.

So there's a slight story to the 'Cars' thing up there^... When I first met my friend, we had this
joke, There's a scene where Mater is asked what he was told about talking to the prisoners and he'd replied, "Ta not to" and so I'd say to my friend, "Now what did i tell you about smoking" and he'd reply, "Ta not to".

Of course He's more of the Lightning McQueen Character and I'm more of the Mater personality. Such is how it goes eh?

Anyway my best friend is named Cameron.
Bless his soul for putting up with me. :)
Yesterday was his birthday and he's officially an adult. OLD MAN! haha
Anyway in the morning my other friend and I broke into his house and decorated his bedroom with balloons and streamers. Okay so I didn't really break in I coordinated with his Mother WHO ROCKS!! She's amazing, Just like her son! That was really fun.

Later in the day I called him up to wish him a happy birthday and he invited me to hang out. I was uber giddy! So we hung out and played some smash brothers with his best friend Shane. another girl was there too. Then we went to a park and played around with a soccer ball, foot ball frisby, and basketball, but mostly the foot ball and soccer ball.

Four words: MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE

Lets just say Cameron and Shane had the ball a lot more than me and my other friend. BUT... I had so much fun! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE SOCCER! (and cameron....) any who...

I hope he had a wonderful birthday. I know I enjoyed it and hanging out with him. Even though I ended up on the ground a good amount of the time. He was nice at first about not making me fall but then he got more agressive but it was still fun. :D

"Once a year we celebrate with stupid hats and plastic plates the fact that you were able to make another trip around the sun"
-Arrogant Worms

SO HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMERON! I'm proud to call you my best friend. :D <3

Please Forgive Me

"So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't You're the only one I'd ever want I only wanna make it good So if I love ya a little more than I should
Please forgive me I know not what I do Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you Don't deny me This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me If I need ya like I do Please believe me Every word I say is true Please forgive me I can't stop loving you"
-Brian Adams

I'm sorry for my heart. I'm sorry for my love. I'm sorry it just won't go away.
Welcome to my story. Welcome to my life. Welcome to the peice of me I should just throw out.
I'm sorry for my longing. I'm sorry for my faults. I'm sorry I'm the girl of another day.
Invited to my future. Invited to know my past. Invited to my secrets that secretly I can't count.

Love is a silly thing. Always has been and always will be. We just gotta deal and press on.
I can wait for love. I WILL wait for love.

I am in love. A solitary love. Yet it still brings me joy, and a feeling of serenity.
No matter what else is on my mind, there is a part always sanctioned for my love. Always.